Older Child Adoption

Enu threw a raging fit the other day.  The worst one ever regarding physical abuse (to me).  After all was calm and Hubby had come home to help me, we discussed what caused the outburst, what we did right and no so right.  It seems a tad bit humerous that I had been bitten and spat upon twice and yet we were excited over two things.  One was that it had been three months since her last outburst (the longest period of calm she has ever had) and two was that it was short lived (about 25 minutes) and she rebounding very quickly. Parents of older adopted children can see why we are so happy about the above mentioned fit.  My mom, however… [more]

Mita's First Pumpkin

Mita and Enu have been home now for a year and a half...probably longer, I just stopped counting after a while.  It really seems like they have always been here for the most part.  Tonight, however, an unexpected invitation for a slumber party threw me into shock.  Mita has only spent the night at her Grandma's and Grammy's houses.  We have had a couple of overnighters with friends staying here, but never at a friend's house.

We were trick-or-treating (all treats with no tricks thankfully!) and ran into one of Mita's friends and her mom.  The look on Mita's face was pure excitement!  She was thrilled to be asked to spend the night with… [more]

Two years ago if you would have asked me if we were going to adopt children with special needs, I would have felt bad for saying no, and gone over our reasons why we were not adopting special needs children.  Like many people I saw special  needs children as kids with chronic conditions like Cerebral Palsy, deafness, blindness or in a wheelchair.  We knew at that time of our lives we were not able to handle  the extra time and money that a speical needs adoption can bring. The joke was on us I guess.  I have realized that older children have special needs of their own.  Our darling girls are physically well, but have emotional needs that require time, money and sometimes a… [more]

When adopting an older child or older children you must prepare for kids who may or may not have had the same hygiene training as we are used to.  I have touched on this before in the following posts: Bathroom Stratagies Part one and two. Since I wrote the above posts I have had some more experience with this fun, fun, fun subject. While visiting our therapist last week I was venting on the lack of toilet paper use with Mita and Enu.  She suggested that I start providing the girls with the flushable wet wipes that toddlers use.  As we have an old house with an old plumbing system and I don't want to push it much (flushable doesn't always mean flushable), but I… [more]

I have written a lot about preparing your immediate family and your home for the adoption of an older child.  This of course should be the priority in your preparations, but it is also important to prepare your extended family:  Grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, close friends.   Even if your adoption news has been celebrated and welcome in your extended family, there are still some basic knowledge tidbits that should be discussed BEFORE your child or children come home. There are several ways to go about this education process.  You can decide what works best with your family.  If you are a touchy/feeling family who gathers frequently a small get together may suffice.  A more standoffish or subdued family may need more one on one converstaion.  A large family or a family separated… [more]

Just the other day I was reading a post on my agency's Yahoo group.  The family posting had had their 8 year old from Ethiopia home for two weeks.  They were so excited about how well everything was going, that they were attaching, had no behavior issues and the child was going to start school in two weeks. My personal reaction was STOP! RETHINK ALL THAT YOU HAVE READ AND LEARNED!  Our agency does a great job in preparing parents about adopting older children as that is where they put their emphasis at.  I think as waiting parents we prepare but have a secret dream that our adoption will be easy. The child will be grateful, a delight and our family will go… [more]

I started writing for AdoptionBlogs.com in January of this year. One of the categories that my predecessors made is entitled,"The Benefits of an Older Child". Every once in a while I look at that category and feel bad that I have never used it in my writings. As I have mentioned before, we are in the beginning of our adoption. The girls have been home for 17 months. Sometimes that seems like a long time but it really is the beginning. I write about positive things, but I am also truthful about the hard situations we've been through. I want to be helpful for families thinking of adopting older children as well as for families with kids already home. It… [more]

Last school year I arranged conferences with the teachers my newly adopted children were going to have. I met with the assistant superintendent of schools and the principal. We talked, emailed and prepped for the start of school. This year the girls have a successful year under their belts. They have friends, read well and are just normal kiddos. I still felt like I needed to do something extra though. I already knew one of the teachers and trusted the reputation of the other one, but there was still so much to tell them about. I decided to write each teacher a letter. A short, concise letter introducing my daughters and also letting them know of my major concerns. I learned… [more]

Looking back it all seemed so easy the first year. The honeymoon period, outbursts at six months post adoption and then at one year and then BOOM! You are a normal, well-adjusted family. How did I get that stuck in my head. Me! The woman who has read everything that was to be read. Who has yahoo-grouped for hours on end, gleaning all the info I could on older child adoptions? How could I have been so naive? It was a survival mechanism I now realize. All the hard times seemed more bearable if I could excuse them in some way with an "adoption issue" that will be settled in time. Sixteen months into our new life we visiting… [more]

If you and your child have decided to start school this coming month there are several things you can do to prepare for this exciting and nerve wracking day. The first thing is to get in touch with your school district and arrange a meeting with the principal of the school your child will attending. You will have a pretty good idea of the school atmosphere and how well they will work with you and your family just by getting an appointment set up. A few questions to ask would be: 1) Does your school have experience with older child adoption? 2) What services do you offer for kids who are behind academically, learning English or who may… [more]