I’ve belched out my frustrations so often lately that I’m wondering if I have any good kids. I do, I really do. The majority of my children are awesome and those that aren’t, wish they were, they just can’t help some of their behaviors.

My 20 year old son spent most of his day today driving me to grocery stores and getting a Christmas tree with me. He could have been out with any one of his girlfriends but he chose Mama. He needs our time together as much as I do. He needs quiet reassurance that he’s still my kid after growing up and moving out. He’d only had a mother for... more

Bipette asks, “How do you manage to love the kids and yet keep your own boundaries up enough that you aren't constantly riding the roller coasters these kids are on?” I went to bed last night with this question in my head, struggling to find the answer.

What are boundaries? If I don’t know, then I suppose I can’t keep my own boundaries up enough. Maybe I lost the right to boundaries when I chose to adopt older children? I am very enmeshed in my children’s issues as they affect every... more

A friendly game of soccer works off more fat and builds up more muscle than jogging, new research shows. Danish scientists, who conducted their research on 37 men, also found the soccer players felt less tired after exercising than the joggers because they were having more fun.

This is good to know as my high school daughters have played varsity and junior varsity soccer, and 15 of my other kids have been deeply involved with our parks and recreation soccer... more

My recent high school graduate daughter has been taking classes to increase her entrance scores that she needs for a local college. She put in 110 percent effort on every single day off from work but she didn’t get it all done in time, she didn’t make her own self-imposed goal. Am I disappointed in her?

Not at all, rather I’m proud of her. I’ve taught my children that we all learn as much from failing as we do from winning. I failed at several personal goals this summer. I didn’t weed a bucket a day from... more

“Since the time I was sent to elementary school, my feet have marched to the beat of a different drummer than Everybody Else’s. The difference caused me much grief as a child; much success as an adult.”

As usual, this is not an original thought of mine but I read it today in this book, nodding my head in absolute agreement.

I think I know what other girls thought about as they talked about it as well. I never dreamed about getting married and having kids even though I eventually did both, and more than once each.

I dreamed about... more

I feel as if I’ve been dragged behind a speeding jet readying itself for takeoff…only to be dropped from the sky and hit by an 18 wheeler. Standing back up, an eagle must have swooped down and swiped my head, but hey I’m still standing.

In our month long ordeal, an emotional drought if you will, as others pointed fingers at my entire family while an amazing amount of friends, counselors and therapists rallied, we finally realized August was over and we’d made it.

Stronger than ever, totally banged up and disillusioned, yet more emotionally attached to each other,... more

If you adopt children with severe emotional issues, mental illnesses or mental disabilities, be expected to walk through fire when you attempt to find help for them.

When it is no longer safe for them to remain at home, when a parent MUST seek an out-of-home placement in order to ensure their safety and that of other family members, it has been my experience, on three diagnosed kids over the last decade, that they will then turn on you.

My other choice would have been to possibly allow a murder to take place. And then if it was not me killed, I would have to face questions such as, “Why did you not seek help? Were these verbal and physical threats? Have you had him in counseling?”

This... more

It’s starting to look quite likely that I may only be able to write my minimum number of posts this month. It’s not a time issue for me as I can blog quickly, rather it is a number of challenges in my home right now that I’d prefer to resolve first.

A big one is criticism and outright condemnation. I’ve finally gotten to my computer after a few days away from it and have caught up on Nancy Spoolstra's recent posts about facing unwarranted blame.

I’m... more

Clearly I know very little about raising traumatized children. I am flying by the seat of my pants with my 39 kids. It isn’t easy, there are no instruction manuals, and I need a lot of outside help.

I’m not afraid either to fail or to make mistakes. It takes an ability to do both. It takes my own willingness to discard my great ideas that didn’t work and to move on to those that do. Or to just continue trying to discover those that do.

I’ll meet tomorrow with a new psychiatrist that has joined the psychologists group that I’ve been using for... more

Underemployed

Yesterday I’d fussed over my now-unemployed 20 year old, but he’s not the only one here in these straits. I also have a 25 year old Navy veteran; off of a ship from the Iraq War, what’s he going to do? He's pictured here with his birth sister, both adopted 17 years ago.

The Navy warned the shipmates that this would happen; they’d return home and start hanging out with their friends who’d never left, hadn’t done much to advance themselves and they’d end up wishing they hadn’t left the military and that is exactly what has happened... more