I once thought when my 39 children were grown, that I’d be overflowing with free time, having earned it the hard way including my 25 years in the public school system. The more grandchildren I have, the less free time it seems I’ll ever have and then there are the legions of issues emanating from my grown children. Even parents of birth children know that age 18 means nothing.

A mom recently pointed out the obvious that I’d never noticed before. In today’s economy no one is able to make an adequate living on minimum wage, rents aren’t what they used to be when... more

Hurt people hurt people. Humiliated people humiliate people, the folks that have mistreated you so badly often seem to be the ones that need you the most sometime later in your life.

Simple concepts today from church that I’ve thought about all afternoon while planting beets and carrots. One son and I talked about it a good bit while he turned over a garden bed for me, his strength can drive that shovel through the clay soil faster than I could ever dream of accomplishing.

He’s sixteen and has been through the wringer during the last four years. Several out-of-home... more

I’ve cleaned house all day today thinking about Julia’s post on so much pee. It’s a fairly unique planet that we live on where this type behavior exists, but it’s common across the board when one adopts traumatized children. I’m sure it’s a problem in foster care also as each foster mom I’d met in the adoption of all my children would share her experiences with this issue.

Not all of my children are or were bedwetters but enough of them have been challenged in this area that... more

It’s not just my tough family, all too often lately I hear from despairing moms, moms with well-raised, birth children who grow up and throw all their values out the window. Then the consequences hit home…or do they?

I once had a very difficult time comprehending the damage that I potentially do if I rescued my grown children from their natural consequences; if I paid their bills when they ran up a credit card or called their boss and made excuses for them when they didn’t get up to go to work. I didn’t want them to lose their jobs I’d reason in my head.

But... more

It never takes a real reason for a child of mine to lose their temper and teeter on having a rage in public over nothing. Traumatized children, so out of touch with their feelings, so accustomed to stuffing it down inside themselves and feeling so out of control of their existence, can easily veer from an emotional high into anger at the blink of an eye.

This morning on the two minute ride to church my nine year old lost it. Refusing to get out of the van, furious over nothing, he rudely told me he was going to run away.

I have a family policy of not chasing... more

My fifth grade daughter came home to tell me about another girl in her class who had her purse, her IPOD and her cell phone stolen. “What fifth grader has a cell phone?” I asked in astonishment.

“Everyone but me,” she answered. “Do you want to know who stole it?”

“Just tell me it wasn’t one of my kids.” Not a stretch as I have three fifth graders, two fourth graders and a third grader there in that one hall.

My children, adopted as older sibling groups, usually school age, had many issues with taking stuff that didn’t belong to them. I knew... more

A reader commented yesterday, “It's so wonderful to hear that others go thru the same things...I have needed to hear these things for so long and didn't have a clue that adoption blogs even existed,” and she inadvertently reassured me in the direction I’d been taking here. I write more about parenting the older children that I’ve adopted rather than the act of adoption. Heck, anyone can figure out how to call their local adoption agency or their county child protection services and inquire... more

My longtime caseworker, now the owner/director of a special needs adoption agency and an adoptive parent of six children definitely prepared me as much as was humanly possible in the thrills and the pitfalls involved in the adoption of older children.

She wryly once suggested that every prospective adoption parent should read An Unlit Path and Dandelion on my Pillow, Butcher Knife... more

I spent several hours in one bedroom this morning after the kids had gone to school. Two sons share this room, ages 9 and 10, and to say they treat it like a pigsty would be insulting to hogs everywhere.

I truly do not understand why they find it necessary to pull every shirt off the hangers and throw every pair of pants around the room, dumping out drawers every morning.

For the past two weeks when either one has requested computer privilege my rhetorical question has been, “Is your room clean?”

They hang their heads and walk off with... more

I woke up last night hearing banging around downstairs so I went to check. In my sleep fogged mind I thought it was the police at the door. “Why didn’t they call first?” My next thought was, “What the heck?”

I realized I’m slightly traumatized from living on the edge for so long with so many once troubled children but this is getting ridiculous. I trudged downstairs at 3 in the morning figuring I’d at least catch a kid sneaking food or trying to log on to a password protected computer but instead everyone was snoring in their rooms.

The banging involved... more