Sadly this is a second blog on this issue. San Antonio is reeling under the finger pointing and the fall-out; still children are dying and this is not limited to this one region in Texas. This is a worldwide problem.

Yesterday afternoon I sat by our nice pool with a raging 12 year old son who’s been adopted by me, along with his four birth siblings, for five years now.... more

At one time in our family’s endless journey towards normalcy, I had five or so kids on behavior contracts at school. Teachers willingly checked off some simple accomplishments like: 1) homework turned in, 2) not disruptive today in class, 3) had school supplies etc.

It served to keep the kids accountable and to help me see what needed to be worked on here at home. Nowadays we have Power School which I love. Within a few quick... more

Is this all there is?

Waking up at the crack of dawn each morning, drinking coffee, reading and writing, then I zoom down the hall to wash my face, brush my teeth, and toil in the unending chores that’ll need it again tomorrow for usually ungrateful children. Is this a fulfilling life?

Yesterday around 9:30 p.m., when I’d accomplished enough to allow myself to relax, I sat for a minute, perched on the edge of the sofa, hugging my 10 year old son who was inarticulately trying to tell me that he appreciated me always being here for him.

He... more

Honestly I do try and behave myself here, trying to keep my emotional explosions on a grittier page, but I read an article last night and again this morning that just won’t allow me to be quiet any longer.

Four feet under is a common depth for a child’s grave.

“In Bexar County, the deadliest 12-month period was the state fiscal year ending Aug. 31, 2005. Eighteen children died. That's a child every three weeks. Many of those children lived and died without the public's bearing witness.”

I am... more

With a couple dozen children in and out of my house, grandchildren coming over, and all my large gardens demanding my attention, my computer time is sometimes very limited. I awake early, drink coffee and often pound out my frustrations, blog style, before I go about my business for the day. I’d come back to see several comments about RTCs and the frustrations involved, I’d sort of answered in advance my perceived ignorance of many of the steps involved as each state, each institution, and often different individuals... more

I wish that I could say, “Here’s what all adoptive parents of severely disturbed older children should do.” But it would only look like this:

1) 2) 3)

There is no handbook, no guide that’s guaranteed, only descriptive narratives detailing how others have struggled along, to which I am adding my own experiences.

When one lives with a severely disturbed child, one needs to take steps to protect the other children. What I’m learning now after many years, as I look back, is that I was often the target. There were threats, noises, intimidation attempts, and volatile situations that required my immediate attention, often also the deputies, but I’ve not actually... more

I’m asked, “What’s my secret?” or “How on earth do you do this?” in regards to simply getting up each day and facing the problems, the challenges, and the fun involved in a large family, but I touched a chord yesterday resulting in some long, tormented comments.

Y’all I get it, I know this hurts, and I know this is impossibly difficult, sometimes dangerous and head-poundingly frustrating. Please know that I rail against the... more

“You realize that a lot of information was kept from you, and psych evals were whitewashed, and the children are far and away more damaged than anyone even hinted at?"

If I had a dollar for each time I’ve been asked that question, my mortgage would be paid off.

What do you do when that happens? I received that in a comment the other day, and I did not want to flippantly reply.

I feel your pain. I really do, I’ve been there, done that and am still doing so in several cases. I’m as frustrated as anyone. I did not set out to adopt children who are severely... more

I’m facing yet another crisis here at home. A pretty child who joined us at age 5 with little discernible diagnosis has deteriorated ever since. Described back then as a behavior problem, this before some of the other disruptive, oppositional defiant disorder or conduct adjustment behavior diagnoses were widely used, she immediately went to time-out when she moved into my home, 23 times before bedtime for huge infractions on the first... more

In just a month my kids will be sitting in their first day of school finery with sharpened pencils and new notebooks. Maybe my own mother let me hang out in stationary stores too long, but I loved school and school supplies. I could reminisce like an old pooter about what it meant to me back then and that link is of the store that seduced me as a child, but I’m here to write about the reality of it with older adopted kids, and it’s not always pleasant.

It’s something along the lines of All Hell Breaking... more