Reading Nancy Spoolstra’s post about the tragic college shooting deaths this week, I was just thinking and wondering if we’d also find out that the shooter was adopted. I only say that, in my paranoia, because of stories like this that have become all too prevalent and my second most violent kid will come to visit us this upcoming weekend. The most violent one returned home in December but has improved.

These... more

It is so not a full moon and the tides likely haven’t shifted discernibly, but the moods and emotions within our family lately have been tumultuous at best.

We’re on winter break so the kids are home all day. Usually that’s a good thing; no one likes the pressure of the outside world, feeling safe, stable and secure way down our dirt road and up the long, winding driveway through the trees.

A bunch of acres in which to run and play, several creeks cutting through the property and we have a swimming pool. Add in all the bicycles, skateboards, scooters, soccer... more

A lady I know as Patti commented, “So much of our efforts and energy as adoptive parents seem to circle around whether we are reaching them, getting through somehow. But we might never see something that looks like it with our children. Instead, it might break free as they look at their own children some day. I know. I am the child of an older adopted child.

I know this too as I look at my 16 grandchildren. I am extremely proud of the way my adopted children have parented their children.

A son who was arrested four times before he had a daughter is now a wonderful... more

Here it is a Sunday night and this Preacher’s Kid, now a middle age mama of 39 children ages 5-34, needs to put her children to bed, get that old Preacher and his wife (Grandma and Grandpa) to combine forces with a married couple to babysit my sleeping kids while I slip off to the county jail to check on my 26 year old son who ought to know better.

Why two couples babysitting? Well why not? I’m not leaving them some very easy-going children to tend to, rather I have ragers and oppositional kids who’ll resent me for not being home, even though they won’t even know... more

OK folks, I have several grown children who are either in jail or have recently been arrested. My friends, other adoptive parents, have found themselves in this predicament as well. As awful as my best friend’s grown kids are acting, at least none of those three have been arrested. That’s a major thing to be proud of in our world.

I’ve had two daughters get arrested this year. Parenting for 34 years before a daughter of mine ever crossed that line, I found myself twice with girls who’ve hit people. One is a 31 year old college graduate; the other... more

Wracking my over-stressed brain for some positive posts to write about in the adoption of older children, I am feeling as if my negativity lately isn’t helping anyone to cope with their own family issues.

Or is it?

It isn’t easy being the parent of a child who spent many years in the foster care system. Why would I want to misrepresent that peculiar reality?

Foster care was usually much safer for my children than the birth families they were once removed from due to abuse, neglect and substance abuse. What is slowly dawning on me is that all of... more

I was allowed a special visitation today with a locked up child of mine as it was a birthday. So heartsick am I, so broken hearted over the entire ordeal that I just don’t write about it yet. Ask me in a few years when I’ve learned to live with it and maybe I’ll share these experiences, but not now with this knife in my heart.

I wanted to really feel bad about this, I held back my tears and so we had a nice visit. This is my second kid to be in this particular facility and I’m embarrassed about that, although on every level I know that their anger... more

A dentist once told me, “If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll not be able to care for your children.”

The Bible tells us we are to ‘die to self,’ to care more about others and somewhere I need to find my balance.

It’s a real big duh to think that 39 children can be a demanding experience. Never overwhelming, yet I’m always trying to think ahead and to plan, to make sure we have enough groceries, meals planned, clothes washed, agenda books signed and all the other demands of daily life.

As such I may never get bored and I’m also never... more

We have a wonderful family therapist that comes to our house thereby helping to reduce my children’s inbred fear of professionals. So many social workers have marched through their lives that they are hesitant to trust anymore and also tired of talking about their past.

Their past made them what they are today – children deeply in need of therapy as is evidenced by their behaviors.

Today Dr. Mandy told me of a recent study she’d read explaining that children are behaving worse now than years ago and subsequently therapists are not lasting as long in this profession... more

A totally tough element in the equation of the adoption of older children is how tough it is to get them through school. Long range plans seem to not compute, deferred gratification is an elusive concept when they simply do not want to go to school.

School is very hard for one thing. My children’s track record for school attendance was horrible during foster care and even worse when they were still living in the difficult circumstances into which they were born.

They were moved from foster home to foster home and through various shelters; never staying long... more