I’ve certainly been angry before but I’ve never raged. I didn’t even know that people raged until I’d lived with ragers. The phenomenon is shocking; it’s a full blown temper tantrum with kicking, screaming, punching and hitting for hours at a time.

My first rager was barely three years old. Non-verbal due to a mild case of cerebral palsy, very developmentally delayed, he’d get... more

I kind of snapped today, a small implosion where I physically made an attempt to remove myself from my grown kid’s dramas. I know that this is part and parcel of the adoption of older children; that they tend to constantly recreate the chaos and confusion that they’ve always found comfort in during their early lives. It was all they knew. A peaceful lifestyle and a quiet coexistence alarms them, happiness confuses them and they think, on some level that they don’t deserve a good life and all too often do all they can to sabotage their own success.

Now... more

My resentment level has lately grown huge, way past my own level of acceptability. I don’t know why I expect people to understand why I willingly adopted older children, at times I can’t even articulate it past the lame sounding, “I felt called to do so,” explanation. But isn’t that enough?

Why do folks think it’s necessary to share with me the story of a parental murder by an older adopted child or how another family lost everything they owned via international adoption expenses? Are folks simply trying to justify or rationalize why they aren’t... more

Most of my children still living at home with me now have been here for quite some time. My 14 year old daughter came here when she was six, then sweet, quiet and only somewhat academically challenging. Now she’s loud, snippy, mean and very grade challenged.

I know that most of this is adolescent hormones. I’ve been here many times with many daughters. Formerly sweet, a weird light switch snapped and miss-wired their brains into rude images of who they once were. Adoption issues on top of this, combined with the trauma they’ve been through always makes... more

From a reader, IMG1567, “We worked with them every day, paid for tutors, had them evaluated over and over and begged for services at school only to be told that there wasn't anything wrong with them that couldn't be fixed if we just made them "buckle down" and finish their work.”

She is exactly right; this is the prevailing thought from teachers. It is a logical assumption but it has no place on our planet. The adoption of older children requires a... more

Continued from Part 1 How does a mother attempt to parents children who’ve constantly been exposed to criminal activities? Children who’ve grown up with deceit as the norm, where stealing is a necessity for survival, at least in their convoluted thinking, what’s a parent to do?

I’d ignorantly expected all my children to just take a good long look around them, see that their needs would be met, understand that I’d cook dinner every night, get them up and ready for school, have their clothes laundered regularly and groceries always in the pantry. Heck anyone could see that’s the case around here.

Anyone... more

Did I knowingly do so? Or did I not actually comprehend that the bio parents of my children all had run-ins with the law? Felonies were committed, murders in two cases, drugs in almost all of the rest plus countless misdemeanors and utter disrespect for law and order.

My children were almost all adopted from the foster care system as older children, minorities, and in sibling groups with emotional challenges and issues.

What did I expect?

My children had all been exposed to criminal activity, to a pseudo-home life where drugs and alcohol... more

From an email yesterday, “Sometimes you don't make me look forward to my future...” The sender is a good friend of mine, an adoptive mother of a large family and she knows a great deal about my family. If I spend ten minutes a day blogging, I’m only sharing a tiny percentage of our real time events.

Right now I’m terribly unhappy about a recent occurrence in the life of a grown child who won’t let me talk about what’s happening. He’s not in trouble, it’s not a disaster, it’s just something that’s totally out of our control at the moment and our entire... more

The ad reads:

"OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet."

My kind of mom.

I don’t care how old a kid is, if they live in my house, they’ll abide by my rules. Don’t like my stupid rules? There are nine doors that lead out of our house, choose... more

“Just wondering: is it possible to predict what direction things will go with your adult children? Are there one or more who are mature and open to having their siblings in their lives like you do? Do your older kids feel connected to all their siblings, or do things break down along bio-sibling lines? Will this go on for decades, kids leaving, getting married, having kids, then moving back in with you, with more children, then out again, etc. etc.? Or do you see some of the kids growing into roles of family organizer, or care giver, or whatever?”

A reader, Rachel, questioned... more