Admittedly I walk a different road than most people. I do it by choice; I’m drawn to the odd aspects of my life. It is not a chore for me to parent a large family; it is a deliberate, thought-out, planned choice. A choice I am happy that I made years ago.

So if I choose to watch a taped version of Intervention on New Year’s Eve rather than go out and celebrate, it should be considered my right, my choice and so what if it may not seem like fun to others? I owe no one any explanation.

I did watch this and I came... more

Just as a suspected drunk driver made a very poor choice, one minute enjoying himself, drinking the night away, the next minute realizing he killed a mother and four children, so too was the unintentional creation of my children. Likely the drunk driver will serve time and then drink himself into oblivion every time he allows himself to think about what he has done.

Most of my children were created with zero thought as to either their future or any concern whatsoever that one particular night of sex would... more

If my experiences are any kind of common, then the answer is likely a big yes. Particularly now with the internet making connections so easy, sleuthing is a breeze.

This afternoon we had a birth sister, now 28, come into the lives of four of my children who are now 23, 26, 29 and 30. They’ve been my children for nearly eighteen years. Once they were four very frightened, disoriented children fresh from an adoption disruption meeting me in 1990 and moving a thousand miles east of their home then in Brownsville, Texas.

This beautiful young lady found my grown children... more

The focus of these blog posts should be more in the how-to realm, I tend to write about parenting my traumatized children as that is my aim in life. I’m now debating internally if I should continue here or work harder on my other blog/book.

On my personal blog I’d recently had a young lady contact me, the victim of emotional abuse all her life, now very educated and wondering what steps she should take in her consideration of the adoption of older children from foster care.

My first thought was that she go through therapy in order to understand that she was mistreated... more

I stopped adopting three years ago when I accepted the referral of my last sibling group. I knew then, at that moment, that I’d adopted exactly the right amount of children over exactly the correct span of decades. I simply knew that 39 children was enough.

39 children are more than enough to keep one busy, but I also had to redirect my own mindset. I’d been heavily emotionally invested in building up my family, making sure we had the resources, enough room, and could meet everyone’s varied needs.

It should be noted that I’ve never had all 39... more

A third grade teacher stopped by this evening while my seven middle schoolers were acting unusually uncivilized. She corrected one and I slammed my hand on the table and docked computer time from another. This teacher called it ‘mental school,’ prompting a smile from me as she so aptly described the literal shenanigans at every meal lately.

My three six grade sons immediately became too big for their britches the minute they walked out the door of the elementary school and into middle school. I have three seventh graders, but one has bombed out for some residential mental health,... more

Sometimes I sound like I have it all together. Even when I have a raging child, it may seem as if I am always able to step back and calmly ascertain what is really going on inside their traumatized minds.

Since I don’t sit down and blog during a storm but rather much later as it comes to my mind, I am then sometimes able to figure out what really just happened. Usually I run it by a very smart daughter of mine, adopted at age 11, now 27 with her Master’s Degree in Social Work, she translates for me; her knowledge and understanding comes from her... more

I’m not going to take this opportunity to complain about the emotional challenges that holidays bring to traumatized children. I think I’ve mentioned that before. I’m trying my best to totally tone down Christmas this year, to make it more about family and food, less about stuff.

My kids have been off the wall all month. Hyperactive, anxious, brittle nerves on edge, and difficult to reason with, they’ve pushed my buttons for weeks. We’ve been terribly busy with two different musicals, a band concert, upcoming school parties, one daughter’s cheerleading schedule, and... more

I dare anyone who has adopted older children from the system to read this article. It is horrifying and totally realistic. It’s the same story I’ve heard from so many parents, and it’s been lived out here within our own family as well.

“Over the years the three have been diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, affective attachment disorder, post traumatic stress... more

Parents who’ve adopted older children usually bemoan the obvious – the lying and the stealing behaviors.

To tell you the truth, I’ve learned to live with those behaviors early on while doing my best to redirect them. I’ve seen progress but it has taken years. The children who did not lie and steal were nearly revered by me. The majority of children in our family do not lie or steal, that’s the good news.

What I’ve found terribly difficult to cope with all these years has been the emotional and mental illnesses. All of my children... more