Being an adoptive mom is a lot of work; that’s not a news flash. Adopting older children is even harder. From your comments and the emails I’m certain I don’t struggle alone. These battles are universal.

The hardest part though may come from knowing that we pour out so much of ourselves, so much 24-7 hands-on, super-intensive parenting, therapy and the constant searching out of more resources because our children are so needy; that when they fail to meet our minimal expectations, such as getting a job to support oneself when one is grown, that our deep resulting frustration seems all... more

Writing about age 18 yesterday, a reader remarked on the need to move back after moving out, returning to regroup, and I whole heartedly believe this also is an issue.

My family is blessed to have a doublewide trailer on our property, an independent living facility so to speak, that’s certainly taken a beating over the years. It has needed constant repair and it must feel as if its walls are rubber so many times have kids bounced in and out of it.

The world is a cold, hard, cruel... more

There’s an uproar in the foster care system, and rightly so, to keep kids in care, or at least give them the option to remain in care past age 18. The New York Times had a lengthy article and I read through some great comments there as well.

As an adoptive parent, the need can be equally as daunting. Some of my kids were adopted at ages 12 and 13,and even my 9, 10 and 11 years olds have lacked that very necessary foundational teachings that I’ve been... more

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.

Anne Frank, Diary of a Young Girl, 1952, German Jewish diarist (1929 - 1945)

It’s already 9:30 in the morning and I’m still sitting here in front of the computer. I did get about 20 kids out the door to school, I’ve washed a load of clothes and hung them outside but breakfast bowls are in the sink, I’ve neither washed my face nor brushed my teeth, I’m still in... more

I told someone recently that I feel as if we live in an alternative universe. What’s normal for others is rarely so for us, not simply because we’re a large family but because of all the issues, diagnoses, challenges and behaviors that we present each day.

While one family was at the high school homecoming, I was babysitting for my friend whose son was sent to a psychiatric unit. I’d picked up two of her other children to bring to my house which is also their version of normal, knowing my kids would distract and entertain her kids while she tended to a difficult situation.

A... more

The boys were put into a foster home where they proved to be unmanageable — defecating throughout the house, destroying furniture and scratching the ivory off the piano keys…”

Please go read the entire article of a severely troubled child. These are the children we parent. I know from your comments and emails, from other blogs and stories that when we adopt older children, especially from the foster care system but also increasingly from foreign countries as FAS and FAE are rampantly coursing through our children, that we are inviting a word of challenges into... more

I can say that my daughters are gorgeous without it looking like I’m claiming credit since 17 of them were adopted. I also think my birth daughter, 34 this month, is beautiful as well and I compliment them all often. My pre-teens, fortunately only two at the moment, now 12 and nearly 14, plus my 12 year old granddaughter are caught up in the Hannah Montana mentality, this decade’s version of Valley Girls I suppose, where shopping at the mall is a teen’s main goal... more

I’m as perplexed as anyone over the willful mistreatment of items, furniture and clothes. To have come from a background of severe deprivation and lack, one might think that an older child would now appreciate a fairly middle class existence.

I’ve found that to not be so.

For 20 years I’ve fought the most unusual battles that seem to run through each set of siblings that I have adopted.

They fundamentally despise sheet sets. Forget a flat sheet, top sheet and matching pillowcases. Preferring a bare mattress which appalls me, twisting... more

With four soccer teams going, we’re in the midst of some serious playing time. Four or five nights a week we’re on the rec field. Sometimes we have game conflicts, but not often and there are enough family members to spread out and form a large cheering section. I am loud and positive during each game, affirming and encouraging every single attempt they make.

Older adopted children neither come with instruction manuals, nor good manners, and no on ever covered many of the socially polite bases that one might reasonably expect an 11 or 12 year old to understand.

Tonight... more

There is almost no way possible way to adopt from the foster care system, to adopt older children and/or sibling groups, and not become a naïve parent to “troubled children.”

Adjustment Conduct Disorder seems to be the new catchphrase and I had a caseworker tell me this week that it encompasses all kids from the system. It’s a big DUH since these children were removed from families that perpetuated criminal abuse and neglect, then were bounced through the foster care system, experiencing multiple... more