Hurt people hurt people. Humiliated people humiliate people, the folks that have mistreated you so badly often seem to be the ones that need you the most sometime later in your life.

Simple concepts today from church that I’ve thought about all afternoon while planting beets and carrots. One son and I talked about it a good bit while he turned over a garden bed for me, his strength can drive that shovel through the clay soil faster than I could ever dream of accomplishing.

He’s sixteen and has been through the wringer during the last four years. Several out-of-home... more

It never takes a real reason for a child of mine to lose their temper and teeter on having a rage in public over nothing. Traumatized children, so out of touch with their feelings, so accustomed to stuffing it down inside themselves and feeling so out of control of their existence, can easily veer from an emotional high into anger at the blink of an eye.

This morning on the two minute ride to church my nine year old lost it. Refusing to get out of the van, furious over nothing, he rudely told me he was going to run away.

I have a family policy of not chasing... more

Reading Nancy Spoolstra’s post about the tragic college shooting deaths this week, I was just thinking and wondering if we’d also find out that the shooter was adopted. I only say that, in my paranoia, because of stories like this that have become all too prevalent and my second most violent kid will come to visit us this upcoming weekend. The most violent one returned home in December but has improved.

These... more

It is so not a full moon and the tides likely haven’t shifted discernibly, but the moods and emotions within our family lately have been tumultuous at best.

We’re on winter break so the kids are home all day. Usually that’s a good thing; no one likes the pressure of the outside world, feeling safe, stable and secure way down our dirt road and up the long, winding driveway through the trees.

A bunch of acres in which to run and play, several creeks cutting through the property and we have a swimming pool. Add in all the bicycles, skateboards, scooters, soccer... more

I’ve certainly been angry before but I’ve never raged. I didn’t even know that people raged until I’d lived with ragers. The phenomenon is shocking; it’s a full blown temper tantrum with kicking, screaming, punching and hitting for hours at a time.

My first rager was barely three years old. Non-verbal due to a mild case of cerebral palsy, very developmentally delayed, he’d get... more

Continued from Part 1 How does a mother attempt to parents children who’ve constantly been exposed to criminal activities? Children who’ve grown up with deceit as the norm, where stealing is a necessity for survival, at least in their convoluted thinking, what’s a parent to do?

I’d ignorantly expected all my children to just take a good long look around them, see that their needs would be met, understand that I’d cook dinner every night, get them up and ready for school, have their clothes laundered regularly and groceries always in the pantry. Heck anyone could see that’s the case around here.

Anyone... more

Did I knowingly do so? Or did I not actually comprehend that the bio parents of my children all had run-ins with the law? Felonies were committed, murders in two cases, drugs in almost all of the rest plus countless misdemeanors and utter disrespect for law and order.

My children were almost all adopted from the foster care system as older children, minorities, and in sibling groups with emotional challenges and issues.

What did I expect?

My children had all been exposed to criminal activity, to a pseudo-home life where drugs and alcohol... more

The ad reads:

"OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet."

My kind of mom.

I don’t care how old a kid is, if they live in my house, they’ll abide by my rules. Don’t like my stupid rules? There are nine doors that lead out of our house, choose... more

Admittedly I walk a different road than most people. I do it by choice; I’m drawn to the odd aspects of my life. It is not a chore for me to parent a large family; it is a deliberate, thought-out, planned choice. A choice I am happy that I made years ago.

So if I choose to watch a taped version of Intervention on New Year’s Eve rather than go out and celebrate, it should be considered my right, my choice and so what if it may not seem like fun to others? I owe no one any explanation.

I did watch this and I came... more

The focus of these blog posts should be more in the how-to realm, I tend to write about parenting my traumatized children as that is my aim in life. I’m now debating internally if I should continue here or work harder on my other blog/book.

On my personal blog I’d recently had a young lady contact me, the victim of emotional abuse all her life, now very educated and wondering what steps she should take in her consideration of the adoption of older children from foster care.

My first thought was that she go through therapy in order to understand that she was mistreated... more