The Atlanta Journal Constitution had written a series about some terribly sad deaths in Georgia in mental hospitals resulting in a lawsuit and an investigation which unfortunately has made it a million times more difficult to find help for severely disturbed children. This is a painful-to-read series and there's more to each story plus another side.

There are not enough foster homes for troubled adolescents, an... more

The four kids I raised since they were babies had plenty of opportunities to absorb the correct behavior techniques and the little things in life that make one fairly civilized.

My other 35 kids have been more of a challenge. Like who doesn’t know that the shower curtain liner goes inside the tub? I’ve spent years and years railing over this one fact. Duh if you leave it on the outside all the water runs on the floor. I have to replace an entire bathroom floor that has eroded, corroded and flat rotted out after almost 15 years of liquid abuse.

My only RAD daughter... more

I feel as if I’ve been dragged behind a speeding jet readying itself for takeoff…only to be dropped from the sky and hit by an 18 wheeler. Standing back up, an eagle must have swooped down and swiped my head, but hey I’m still standing.

In our month long ordeal, an emotional drought if you will, as others pointed fingers at my entire family while an amazing amount of friends, counselors and therapists rallied, we finally realized August was over and we’d made it.

Stronger than ever, totally banged up and disillusioned, yet more emotionally attached to each other,... more

It’s starting to look quite likely that I may only be able to write my minimum number of posts this month. It’s not a time issue for me as I can blog quickly, rather it is a number of challenges in my home right now that I’d prefer to resolve first.

A big one is criticism and outright condemnation. I’ve finally gotten to my computer after a few days away from it and have caught up on Nancy Spoolstra's recent posts about facing unwarranted blame.

I’m... more

A friend of mine who blogs about her challenging ten kids, soon to be a dozen, once wrote about visiting her son who was then residing at boy’s ranch. She found it upsetting, on Family Days, to see some kids with no visitors, no family at all. These were some rather severe children yet they are no less deserving of a family to call their own.

As I struggle with a child or two in each sibling group that seems to eventually bomb out of living with us due to safety issues or arrest records or whatever,... more

The one who wanted to kill me, the one who’d have no feelings about it either way as he’s oddly anti-social in a manner that four psychological evaluations have been unable to pinpoint without a great deal of descriptive and frightening words detailed in this previous post; this same child wouldn’t speak to me after I drove an hour for a family counseling session. Nor would he participate.

This results in yet another, “What now?”

We are possibly... more

Overly, screamingly ultra-independent, I moved out of my parent’s house when I was seventeen years old because I wanted to pay my own way and make my own decisions. Marriage also was tough for me as I was just too independent, unwilling to be so tied down, yet conversely here I am now with 39 demanding children. At least I’m the boss.

I didn’t become a stay-at-home mom until I’d finished my public school career and qualified for my retirement check, a blessing certainly and I’m glad I paid the price.

I am having an increasingly difficult time getting that concept of independence into my children’s brains. Do they think I want to support them forever? They’d still let me... more

My kids went out the door to school somewhat subdued and tentative. When a family member is suddenly not here, and left after quite a ruckus, I am left to deal with uneasy children who fear that it could happen to them.

They do not logically step back and realize that it was the threats of murder against family members that did the trick. Their massive emotional insecurities rise up and overwhelm them; they thought this Mama was forever. Jose is gone, are they next?

I cannot give my kids any solid answers right now as I have none. How long will he be gone? I don’t know. What happens next? I don’t know. Is he going to be able to come home? I don’t know. Will he act... more

Continued From Part One

We were just home from church, I hadn’t even gotten lunch on the table, nothing really precipitated this, and nothing ever does.

I’ve been documenting his threats over the last year, I’d printed out some blogs detailing his rages, and I had several psych evals in a folder, done three times over a ten year span, as a lot of professionals have tried to determine what his issues are. I had everything right there in one place and fortunately grabbed it as we went. I wish I’d taken a book to read as it turned out to be a long, long day.

Seven... more

It started like a million other times, a child’s refusal to accept responsibility for her negative actions. She kept going, stirring herself into frenzy until she’d provoked an older, unbalanced brother into a murderous rage. He stormed into the kitchen, came roaring up at me, informing me that he was going to kill me. He’s my height but outweighs me.

I flared up, didn’t back down at all, “You just try it,” I’d glowered, hoping my 20 year old son could get downstairs fast enough.

The other brother of that bunch, gifted and very attached to me immediately burst into tears, something he never does, and yet another brother, older and larger was by my side in an instant.

My... more