“I have learned that people are a lot like cement. You find cement or concrete in two forms: soft or hard. You can shape the soft cement with a spatula if you get to it early. If you wait too long, you'll need a jackhammer to change it.”

I have so many heroes, authors as mentors and other people that I look to for answers. Tim Elmore is one and he wrote the above words. This is not necessarily very good news in the world of adopting older children. I’d find it discouraging if I hadn’t already seen such success with my other children.

Realistically I am not necessarily out to change my children; I like... more

Am I this annoying in real life? This pompous and over-bearing? Probably more so, just ask my kids. I was accused yesterday of bugging the crap out of one of them, but also he can never say that I gave up on him, because I know that I never will do so. He just doesn’t realize it yet.

I’m so much a part of the nerd herd that I was listening to a podcast this morning while I worked outside in the garden, reaching into my grubby pocket for the index card I keep there, and I was taking muddy notes about what I was listening to at the moment.... more

So for my first day alone in my life, although my parents live in an attached house to us and I have two unemployed grown sons living with me, I planned a busy day after spending an initial hour at the schools putting out emotional fires and wiping tears.

I came home to utter silence that is monumental when one has 39 children. It is never quiet here.

I cleaned up for awhile and a friend dropped by. She’s a Probation Officer in the next county and made her point to one of my sons that I’d been fussing at for over an hour. He quickly replied, “Yes M’am,” and went out the door, while I just could not get through to my other son who has lost quite a few jobs since leaving the... more

And along with our back to school preparations I literally have to factor in the time sucked up by anxious, upset, apprehensive and fretful children who are always highly suspicious of, and resistant to, change. We’ve recently had two broken windows punched out in their wild-eyed fear that was manifested by anger. Kids are picking at each other until someone bursts into tears over nothing and I have to settle everything.

Yes, everyone needs structure and routine and the school provides it well.

I have eight boys out on the back deck... more

My one birth child, almost 34 years old, looks at the world very differently now for two reasons. The main reason is that she’s expecting her second child late next month but also the past 20 years of either living in or around our family gives one an interesting perspective on parenting and child raising.

The other 38 children all came to me due to a lack of parenting from different caretakers, and the fall-out from such has been tremendous. While it is often easy to step back and comprehend why my children act this way, it is never so simple... more

Fearing that it sounds too egotistical to keep referring to myself as a leader, my explanation involves the fact that I’m merely trying to land this moniker on all of us mothers who are struggling with our children and their unique sets of circumstances.

I have heroes and mentors that I quote often but that’s because I read them often, attempting to pump myself back up after each round here. Lee Iacocca describes leaders as “taking their knocks, learning and moving forward; not just survivors but fighters.”

He... more

“What do I do? It seems like that instead of being appreciated for taking on kids no one wants, I get looked down on like I'm at fault for doing the best I can with no help. I'm happy to be his mom, to stick with him no matter what, to be supportive, hold him accountable, whatever it takes, but I don't know what to do with him now, not even while I'm looking for help. If you, or some of the other adoptive parents out there, who have been there and done this, have got some advice or suggestions…”

I often receive emails from acutely distressed parents... more

Continued From Here I walked away from the blowout that would continue with or without me, and I held my crying 11 year old son for 30 minutes until he calmed down. He let me hug him, progress from a porcupine. I’ve spent so many years tending to the destructive, raging kids who may or may not ever improve, that I feel guilty about the good kids losing out on the needed, deserved attention. I went straight to him, the one who gets good grades and is trying so hard to learn... more

I thought I could calm down by now, blogging on my personal blog about a youtube video someone had sent me. It was a San Antonio news special detailing the use of psychotropic drugs in the Texas foster care system, something I’m very well acquainted with having adopted five large sibling groups from Texas over nearly a twenty year time period.

Julie also recently explored this area of... more

Sadly this is a second blog on this issue. San Antonio is reeling under the finger pointing and the fall-out; still children are dying and this is not limited to this one region in Texas. This is a worldwide problem.

Yesterday afternoon I sat by our nice pool with a raging 12 year old son who’s been adopted by me, along with his four birth siblings, for five years now.... more