With a couple dozen children in and out of my house, grandchildren coming over, and all my large gardens demanding my attention, my computer time is sometimes very limited. I awake early, drink coffee and often pound out my frustrations, blog style, before I go about my business for the day. I’d come back to see several comments about RTCs and the frustrations involved, I’d sort of answered in advance my perceived ignorance of many of the steps involved as each state, each institution, and often different individuals... more

I wish that I could say, “Here’s what all adoptive parents of severely disturbed older children should do.” But it would only look like this:

1) 2) 3)

There is no handbook, no guide that’s guaranteed, only descriptive narratives detailing how others have struggled along, to which I am adding my own experiences.

When one lives with a severely disturbed child, one needs to take steps to protect the other children. What I’m learning now after many years, as I look back, is that I was often the target. There were threats, noises, intimidation attempts, and volatile situations that required my immediate attention, often also the deputies, but I’ve not actually... more

I’m asked, “What’s my secret?” or “How on earth do you do this?” in regards to simply getting up each day and facing the problems, the challenges, and the fun involved in a large family, but I touched a chord yesterday resulting in some long, tormented comments.

Y’all I get it, I know this hurts, and I know this is impossibly difficult, sometimes dangerous and head-poundingly frustrating. Please know that I rail against the... more

“You realize that a lot of information was kept from you, and psych evals were whitewashed, and the children are far and away more damaged than anyone even hinted at?"

If I had a dollar for each time I’ve been asked that question, my mortgage would be paid off.

What do you do when that happens? I received that in a comment the other day, and I did not want to flippantly reply.

I feel your pain. I really do, I’ve been there, done that and am still doing so in several cases. I’m as frustrated as anyone. I did not set out to adopt children who are severely... more

I’m facing yet another crisis here at home. A pretty child who joined us at age 5 with little discernible diagnosis has deteriorated ever since. Described back then as a behavior problem, this before some of the other disruptive, oppositional defiant disorder or conduct adjustment behavior diagnoses were widely used, she immediately went to time-out when she moved into my home, 23 times before bedtime for huge infractions on the first... more

In just a month my kids will be sitting in their first day of school finery with sharpened pencils and new notebooks. Maybe my own mother let me hang out in stationary stores too long, but I loved school and school supplies. I could reminisce like an old pooter about what it meant to me back then and that link is of the store that seduced me as a child, but I’m here to write about the reality of it with older adopted kids, and it’s not always pleasant.

It’s something along the lines of All Hell Breaking... more

Nancy verbally struggled with a lack of integrity in many of the children we adopt and in the world as a whole in her post while Sandra pointed out a horrible story in India that is a microcosm of a much bigger problem. I’d also bemoaned my own small attempts to make the world a better place while I looked around me at all that was not being done.

As usual, when I’m working in my gardens, I get clarity, a peace of mind that often escapes me when I’m reading depressing newspapers on-line or dealing with my own children’s... more

Being a middle-aged, Southern, church-going, conservative mother, one would expect me to be a teetotaler, to look upon alcohol with disdain, and that’d be a correct assumption. I don’t care if that makes me un-cool. Virginia posted about alcohol problems yesterday and I, as usual, have more to say.

I could rail against FAE and FAS for hours but I believe there are many bloggers who cover this in excellent... more

One of the biggest battles in our home involves consequences. A local teacher in our area, lowered a kid’s grade for sleeping in class, a consequence I’d certainly approve of, but the teacher was not backed by the principal, a conflict ensued, a law was enacted and the teacher changed schools.

I spent 25 years in the public school system and learned about many, many parents who would back up their chronically misbehaving... more

I’ve written a good bit about the successes of my older children after many years of problems and challenges and I sure don’t mean to imply that all is well eventually. I am still shocked and saddened, feeling like I’ve done a poor job of parenting, taking it all too personally when one of them, in their twenties, still acts as if they don’t have good sense, still making poor choices.

Poor choices: A polite phrase for some of the most ill-conceived ideas I’ve ever seen, did none of y’all listen either in school or in church when basic morals were taught? If you do this, then that will occur. Every action has a result or a consequence, what were you thinking? Did you not learn... more