Nancy posted about families with one kid that causes more problems than the rest and I have my own two cents worth as I do agree with her 100%

A parent simply can’t treat all kids the same way, can’t be fair all the time to all the kids. In our family some kids have earned more privileges than others just as some have lost more. That’s how the world functions.

I have a 20 year old who lost his driver’s license for six months and another 20 year old who didn’t because he paid for his ticket and didn’t miss his court date. That’s the way the world functions.

I... more

An Outdoor Wilderness Program teaches an inordinate amount of skills that are necessary for life. When one adopts older children, one then parents kids who may not even have learned basic hygiene, zero life skills, and often have an inability to make simple decisions or choices.

I had one son years ago, be way too emotionally disturbed to function, much less excel at a wilderness program. He’d been sent there by our county’s mental health organization and within five months, at age 11, he was kicked out, eventually he spent... more

I’ve had a lot of emails from other frustrated adoptive parents, many are complaining about a lack of available out-of-home placements in their area, leaving these exhausted parents to try and keep their families safe while managing out-of-control behaviors in disturbed children.

Bluntly put, there are some children who can not, should not live at home and this doesn’t mean that the adoptive parents failed to parent. Don’t condemn yourselves; there are plenty of others who’ll... more

Brothers since they were 2 and 4, now they are 11 and 13, closer than ever. Both are even-tempered, easy going, fun loving guys who’ve been great sons and good role models here within our family.

The one on the left joined our family eight or so years ago along with his very troubled siblings. Maybe he intuitively sensed their issues, but he immediately bonded with the one on the right who is a grandson that I’ve adopted and am raising. They share clothes, a room, and all their thoughts with each other.

They’d had one of their rare squabbles... more

I was talking over my own criminal tendencies post with one of my older daughters, reiterating that I was still dumbfounded to have to consider that all of my children came from backgrounds in which their birth parents participated in criminal activities.

My daughter reminded me of what I already knew but didn’t usually dwell on, the fact that my children were usually asked, forced or coerced into participating as well. Her sibling group came... more

Possibly I should preface this post with the statement, “Not all of my sons have been involved with the law.”

I am struggling hard with the concept of criminal activity. I have some very angry sons; boys who were adopted later in life, very traumatized, and they are demonstrating a clear inability to follow rules, no matter the consequences.

All of my children came from backgrounds in which there was considerable parental involvement with the police. They learned such erroneous concepts as, “The MAN is out to getcha!” There was no understanding... more

I could not decide if I should write a post about our diminishing birds population since I’m a concerned environmentalist and I believe we owe it to our children to not mess up the world, or if I should talk about the number of my children who go out of their way to make it clear that they do not love me at times.

Nancy and several others have... more

One of the hardest things that a parent, adoptive or birth, sometimes has to do is to appear to ‘turn one’s back’ on their law-breaking children. To do otherwise would simply enable said child to continue a life of crime.

Many of us that are involved in the adoption of older children find ourselves with the unenviable task of teaching rules and negative consequences to children who’ve come out of criminal backgrounds, often their birth parents are in jail or prison, or have been there more than once.

Several of my children grew up in... more

Herb Greenberg and Patrick Sweeney wrote, Succeed on Your Own Terms, and they chose nineteen defining qualities that lead to success.

In the adoption of older children, I’d advise anyone to develop some, if not all of these traits.

They are perseverance, goal-oriented, self awareness, resilience, a willingness to take a risk, the ability to thrive under pressure, optimism, empathy, competitiveness, patience, persuasiveness, confidence, passion,... more

I apologize in advance that way too often my blog is personal rather than informative but all I have is experience, not necessarily any answers but usually an understanding or empathy regarding what others are also encountering in this tough world of raising older adopted children. This means traumatized children.

I’d had a hard weekend and it showed through in my posts.

I’d picked up an older Dr. Phil (2001) book, Self Matters... more