I am fixing to bellyache about a problem that I truly have no solutions for. Colloquialisms ending with a preposition, sometimes I lose my ability to speak grammatically, so incensed am I by the state of the world. One of the first sites I check each day is this listing of adoption and foster care news.

I have been blessed, or cursed possibly, with a sense of unease in regards to the welfare of children; a feeling that causes me to continuously ponder, obsess and try to learn more about the plight of children.... more

I had a runaway daughter this past week. The middle child, now almost 17, in an original sibling group of 7 tough, strong-willed children, tore out of our house after the beautiful afternoon high school graduation of her older birth sister.

I’d pointed out that she seemed to be harboring a raging case of PMS. Often she’s referred to as our favorite Viper Girl due to a particularly strong mean streak. Conversely she’s very attached to me, needs my constant reassurance and she’s affectionate as well, helpful... more

I have another great kid, pictured here with me; he’s 13 years old, the oldest of his sibling group of five. They’ve been with me for five years now.

A very challenging group with severe emotional issues. He’s had his own, has demonstrated some disturbed behavior at times, but he has responded in therapy and decided that I must be the real deal. He’s open and affectionate, polite and even grateful at times.

He’s the older brother of a 12 year old here. This twelve year old, Jose, is either somewhat autistic or it is Asperger’s... more

As I read this article on homeless children, its irony was not lost on me. I have worked myself to the bone, providing a home for children, children who once had no clue about where they’d live, or if they’d be able to remain with their siblings.

Yet this once nice home here, before children with severe destructive tendencies moved in, is also the same home that they choose to run away from in anger, unable and unwilling to face their emotional pain and... more

I should permanently title my posts, "The Struggles Involved in Older Child Adoption."

I’d kindly advise all adoptive parents to stop what they’re doing right now and go read Nancy Spoolstra’s post today. Read Parts 1-5 for a brutally honest look at what we often seem to be up against. Her Tommy is my Fabian and her Amy is my Teresa.... more

Nancy blogged today about the way Amy is treating her and I could hear the pain in her words. I started to comment but being as wordy as I can be, I decided to blog it instead.

I’ve been where she is right now. That place where our children want to reject us, to hurt us as much as they’ve been hurt. Kind of a, “Thanks for a great life Mom, but now I’m going to make you sorry that you were the kind of mom I wished I’d had from the start.”

A... more

Our end-of-the school year meltdowns are in crazy full spin here. What does one do with a nine year old who refuses to get in the van and go to school? I could have picked him up and put him in, but not while his fists are flying and he’s raging. Several of us could have combined our strength and accomplished the task for the moment, but unless we sat on him he would have fought to get out. If we sat on him then one of us would have to do without a seatbelt which is certainly not an option.

He was raging... more

My once rural, now affluent county has grown to now include about 25,000 people. I noticed today, after an entire day on the soccer fields, that a bunch of families have adopted girls from China. They’re all well-behaved, cute and great soccer players.

And I’m a little jealous.

When one doesn’t adopt from the foster care system, or one doesn’t adopt older children, one will naturally have an easier go of it. After 20 years of being neck deep in issues, often gasping for air, missing meals... more

I’m openly affectionate with my children. I hug and give kisses, I end phone calls to them with “I love you,” and I say it during the day to them.

I had one four year old duck his head for the first five years to make sure I didn’t kiss his cheek. I kissed the top of his head though. Now that it’s been seven years he’s comfortable with me, he let me kiss him at school the other day. He seeks hugs and he’s verbal about his feelings for me but it took a long time.

His younger brother resisted me as well. His oldest sister, now 18,... more

I was asked again about the bonding process in older adopted children and how long does it take? How long before a parent should throw in the towel if they feel their child isn’t bonding?

I nearly spit out my coffee at that one.

Older adopted children actively resist bonding. Why should they trust this next lady? The others let them down, they expect that to be routine now and many years later, some of mine still find themselves surprised that I’ve remained.

I cannot fathom their fear. I cannot begin to understand the depths of their... more