A friend of mine recently adopted a little girl from the Ukraine, I think she’s about six years old, and my friend had initially and erroneously thought that an older child would be somewhat independent.

She writes, “It never occurred to me that parenting an older child is still like starting from square one (and especially one who speaks a different language). She has to touch, taste and smell everything.”

I’ve found this to be a universal truth in the adoption of older children.

They’ve been so many places with no stability, their heads are spinning, and their senses dulled. They look at new parents with little interest; we may be just another caretaker in a long... more

I just caught a thirteen year old being honest when he knew he was in trouble. Alert the media as this rarely happens in my house. I found an item he’d stolen from another brother and a chirping baby bird in the closet, but that’s a different post.

I’m not even mad that he stole this item, so surprised am I at his immediate honesty. He tried to lie for a minute, but he saw the fire in my eyes when I insisted he tell the truth. “Don’t even try and lie to me, son,” I’d immediately fussed.

“OK, I had it but I was only holding... more

If one has a nine year old who refuses to go to school, won’t put on his shoes and socks, what should a parent do?

Should he be spanked? No, I don't believe so. I can not spank him and I will not spank him, although I believe, when I'm frustrated, he might learn better that way.

I’ve adopted quite a few sibling groups from Texas and I sign a no spanking policy sheet. I understand their reasoning for this. I do understand and I even agree with them.

Kids who have been abused... more

Although I’d written about our many embarrassments as a family, I still usually manage to maintain my enthusiasm. The old saw about throwing one’s heart over the bar and the body will follow is an apt description.

There’s a soccer coach in our rec league that I admire. Loud and emotional, I’ve seen him throw himself to the ground during soccer games when he’s expressing his dismay over a bad play, leaping high on the amazing ones. Other coaches barely raise their voices, leaving my own kids lost and hungry for leadership as they are used to my pugnacious, over-the-top style of parenting.

No... more

How embarrassing it is to be me.

Unbearably self-righteous at times, reality then bites me in the butt. You’d think I’d have learned more lessons in this before I faced my 53rd birthday, but just like my kids, it’s apparently taken a bit longer for me.

I’d bragged on my daughter yesterday, called her a star in our family to a social worker, only to have this same child try and sneak out that very same night. Guess who lost her cell phone privileges?

I’d boasted about another child recently, only to end up with worse than egg... more

I apologize if I sound like a pompous know-it-all at times. I don’t even know all that much, I just feel that I bring a great deal of experience to the party. Sharing these experiences, and how we overcame our difficulties, is the only way I know how to encourage others to keep on keeping on. I certainly understand your frustrations and despair.

Billy Ray Cyrus, getting kicked off Dancing With The Stars, stated, “What I lack... more

If I had not already walked, stumbled, crawled and gotten through so many trials and tribulations with my children, adopted as older children, I would not have much of a story to tell. Who’d give a rip if I just wrote about my perfect children? I certainly feel all y’all’s pain as I’ve been through it as well.

I write a lot, an awful lot, but I do it fairly quickly. Writing is cathartic for me, it helps me to step back from the potentially explosive situations, regroup mentally, and rejoin the party at times.

I have an eighteen year old daughter... more

You appear to have excellent coping skills. This means that most of the time, you are able to deal efficiently with stressful situations. You don't crack under pressure, and find your way out from most precarious situations. You are not a victim of your environment and feel pretty much in control.

I scored very well on this stress test on the Discovery Health page. I’d googled coping skills in response to something a psychologist told me yesterday. My angry... more

My 21 sons have so far entered adulthood in rather bumpy ways. I talked today to a therapist who used the term, ‘emotionally delayed’, to explain to me the obvious issues involved in the adoption of older children from the system.

The average age of joining our family is around age 8. This represents eight lost years of their childhood. Years spent in fear, in abusive and neglectful situations. Some of my kids had been homeless, most had... more

Should I write an entire post about the sock issue? Theresa commented in hilarious detail that it was an extreme issue in her house as well.

It certainly took me by surprise. I’d read the entire section on social work at the University of Georgia library, back in the days when I only had one daughter. Also a... more