I was going to write about positive expectancy but I got waylaid by negativism this morning before church. I should be sitting in my Ladies Sunday School Class, absorbing the teachings of Miss Martha, always an uplifting and interesting experience.

Instead I dropped off all the other children and came back home to deal with a 12 year old rager who last split his bedroom door in half and who has punched holes in my walls. He’s again angry because I wouldn’t let him attack a ten year old who accidentally got a drop of water on him yesterday when they were... more

I should permanently title my posts, "The Struggles Involved in Older Child Adoption."

I’d kindly advise all adoptive parents to stop what they’re doing right now and go read Nancy Spoolstra’s post today. Read Parts 1-5 for a brutally honest look at what we often seem to be up against. Her Tommy is my Fabian and her Amy is my Teresa.... more

I spent all day today again at the Outdoor Therapeutic Program with my 15 year old son. He’s there because of theft charges, probation violations and family violence charges. A couple of other camps turned him down, afraid of his violence, afraid he’d go after someone with an axe or something. He’s been a loose cannon, I understand their fears.

I spent many a night worrying over our own family safety, glad when the sun finally came up each day. We had plenty of visits from the sheriff... more

This article dismayed me. I have a mentally challenged grown child in jail, he tests out on a third grade level and he’s headed toward his nineteenth birthday. What does the justice system need to do with the mentally incompetent when they commit crimes?

What do we do when our children seem to not learn obvious consequences? I have children in special education, children whose reasoning abilities won’t get them elected to... more

As we learn more and more details of the Virginia Tech murderer, many questions are being raised about, “Why wasn’t something done? This was obviously a disturbed person.”

An adoptive mother called me yesterday in frustration. Her daughter, a sexual perpetrator, diagnosed with several mental illnesses is facing the magic age of 18, a legal adult. What will happen now?

She cannot go home as the victims of her abuse still live in that home, plus the family is finishing up a home study... more

My 15 year old son, who is in an Outdoor Therapeutic Program, is getting a three day pass to come home for the Easter weekend. He’s not been home for months as he was led away in handcuffs over his family violence charges. The police had been called; he was on probation anyway, I’ve been very vocal and insistent that we need help, that he needs consequences, and that we’ve been in danger from his rages.

That translated to him as, “Mama doesn’t love me. She kicked me out.”

Not, “my behaviors kicked me out, but Mama did.”

So... more

Nancy Spoolstra blogged about this article already, but I, as usual, have a few more thoughts.

This is what jumped out at me, considering I’ve adopted 31 out of my 39 children from the foster care system.

Nationwide, there are more than 500,000 children in foster care at any one time, and more than half have mental illness or serious behavioral... more

Today was the Master Treatment Plan collaboration for my 15 year old son residing in a wilderness program. It is 100 miles away through winding mountain roads, and I invited a pregnant daughter of mine and her three year old son. They were awesome travelers.

I also took my four and five year olds. Both have lived with me for two years and really do not like to leave our property other than to go to Wal-Mart or church. Too stressful for them to crawl in the van, buckle up, and hunker down for a couple of hours driving. It peels off their... more

Maybe when I’m in the middle of a morass I shouldn’t blog? The author of a recent and insightful book regarding her adoption experiences was castigated for her brutal honesty. She was told, in a very ugly manner, that she was ruining it for others. This I disagree with totally. I believe she shone a beacon of light into a dark situation, validated the experiences of many adoptive parents, and she was encouraging as well.

This... more

“Children express their feelings and reactions in different ways. Your acceptance of this will make a difference to how your child recovers from the trauma. This means accepting that some children will react by becoming withdrawn and unable to talk about the event, while others will feel intensely sad and angry at times and at other times will act as if the disaster never happened. Children are often confused about what has happened and about their feelings.”

I’m... more