I’m asked, “What’s my secret?” or “How on earth do you do this?” in regards to simply getting up each day and facing the problems, the challenges, and the fun involved in a large family, but I touched a chord yesterday resulting in some long, tormented comments.

Y’all I get it, I know this hurts, and I know this is impossibly difficult, sometimes dangerous and head-poundingly frustrating. Please know that I rail against the... more

“You realize that a lot of information was kept from you, and psych evals were whitewashed, and the children are far and away more damaged than anyone even hinted at?"

If I had a dollar for each time I’ve been asked that question, my mortgage would be paid off.

What do you do when that happens? I received that in a comment the other day, and I did not want to flippantly reply.

I feel your pain. I really do, I’ve been there, done that and am still doing so in several cases. I’m as frustrated as anyone. I did not set out to adopt children who are severely... more

I’m facing yet another crisis here at home. A pretty child who joined us at age 5 with little discernible diagnosis has deteriorated ever since. Described back then as a behavior problem, this before some of the other disruptive, oppositional defiant disorder or conduct adjustment behavior diagnoses were widely used, she immediately went to time-out when she moved into my home, 23 times before bedtime for huge infractions on the first... more

Nancy verbally struggled with a lack of integrity in many of the children we adopt and in the world as a whole in her post while Sandra pointed out a horrible story in India that is a microcosm of a much bigger problem. I’d also bemoaned my own small attempts to make the world a better place while I looked around me at all that was not being done.

As usual, when I’m working in my gardens, I get clarity, a peace of mind that often escapes me when I’m reading depressing newspapers on-line or dealing with my own children’s... more

An Outdoor Wilderness Program teaches an inordinate amount of skills that are necessary for life. When one adopts older children, one then parents kids who may not even have learned basic hygiene, zero life skills, and often have an inability to make simple decisions or choices.

I had one son years ago, be way too emotionally disturbed to function, much less excel at a wilderness program. He’d been sent there by our county’s mental health organization and within five months, at age 11, he was kicked out, eventually he spent... more

I was going to write about positive expectancy but I got waylaid by negativism this morning before church. I should be sitting in my Ladies Sunday School Class, absorbing the teachings of Miss Martha, always an uplifting and interesting experience.

Instead I dropped off all the other children and came back home to deal with a 12 year old rager who last split his bedroom door in half and who has punched holes in my walls. He’s again angry because I wouldn’t let him attack a ten year old who accidentally got a drop of water on him yesterday when they were... more

The horrible murder of a beautiful young lady in Kansas, just two weeks after her high school graduation, is sad and shocking. She’d simply gone to Target in daylight hours.

My heart sank when I learned that she was not missing, but murdered.

Now I read that the accused murderer was adopted.

Carol Hall told The Emporia Gazette for Friday's editions that the couple adopted Edwin Hall when he was 7 and knew he had problems associated... more

I spend more and more time each day contemplating problems that seem to have no answers.

“Each month, about 20 percent of the children sleeping in CPS offices were newly discharged from psychiatric hospitals.”

This statement is from an article today in the San Antonio newspaper that bemoans the fact that over 300 foster children are sleeping in the offices due to no bed space within the foster care system. Caregivers refuse... more

I have a son who came to me five years ago along with his three brothers and a sister. This one son, then 8 years old, was considered a Level of Care 3 kid. His psychiatrist recommended that he be split from the sibling group, and not adopted. I disagreed since I don’t participate in splitting up sibling groups. Was I right or wrong?

It would have been easier without him, that’s for certain, but maybe not, as the remaining children may have acted out in an intensely negative manner in response. They are a very difficult group of children on... more

I should permanently title my posts, "The Struggles Involved in Older Child Adoption."

I’d kindly advise all adoptive parents to stop what they’re doing right now and go read Nancy Spoolstra’s post today. Read Parts 1-5 for a brutally honest look at what we often seem to be up against. Her Tommy is my Fabian and her Amy is my Teresa.... more