While plowing through the mountain of housework each day or driving to the umpteenth therapist appointment, I’m often thinking about the other blogs here at adoption.com or the comments I receive or the emails with questions I can’t often answer. The lack of logic in the world of the older adopted child is mind-boggling yet understandable.

If my very underpinnings, if any semblance of security or stability had constantly... more

People take me aside and want to know how to adopt older children. “Do they miss their real mom?” I’m asked.

“I’m their real mom,” I always smile and respond, “But yes they miss their birth parents." Why wouldn't they?

When we adopt it is a well-intentioned way of adding to our families, of sharing our love and resources, hoping to make life better for someone else.

For older adopted children we are unintentionally closing the door shut on their last hope of parental reunification. My 27 year old daughter just explained that to me this week. A very simple... more

I meet people who confide in me, “I’ve always wanted a large family,” or “If something ever happened to my so and so, I’d have as many children as you have.”

I have mixed feelings about my own family. On the one hand I absolutely love everything about being the mom of 39 children; on the other hand I absolutely hate the dumb questions that come my way.

Who do you think does all the cooking? Do you really think we can afford outside help?

If you want a large family all it takes it the adoption of just one or two sibling groups. In our... more

“A very wise therapist told me once that we cannot measure our adopted children's success in life against our own. We are successful if our adopted children are leading lives better than that of their biological parents. By that, admittedly low, standard, ALL of my five daughters are successful, including the one with a felony meth charge on her record. It helps me immensely to keep that in mind.”

Y’all are absolutely writing my blog. All the comments from this post brought many... more

I kind of snapped today, a small implosion where I physically made an attempt to remove myself from my grown kid’s dramas. I know that this is part and parcel of the adoption of older children; that they tend to constantly recreate the chaos and confusion that they’ve always found comfort in during their early lives. It was all they knew. A peaceful lifestyle and a quiet coexistence alarms them, happiness confuses them and they think, on some level that they don’t deserve a good life and all too often do all they can to sabotage their own success.

Now... more

Are you happy right now? If so, can you put it into words? If not, can you describe what happiness would look like to you? Would you know if you were happy? Do you know when you aren’t happy?

It’s taken me fifty something years to begin to figure out what happiness looks like for me. I believe I’m happy because I’m doing what I want to do, I’m living where I want to live with the folks I want to live with. I love my church and my community, my friends and my family and I love what seems to be the main objective or purpose in my life.

I need to teach my children... more

My “nice” posts get little if any response yet my grittier reports of problems and challenges all seem to ring true in all y’all’s families as well.

I’ve recently read several studies and descriptions on children who’ve disrupted from their placements as well as equally scary behaviors and characteristics in children waiting for families.

An adoption recruiter in one state told me that most of the waiting older children now have some horrifying diagnoses, almost sociopathic in nature. There seems to be an overload of physically aggressive behaviors and anti-social... more

Putting out a minimum of posts lately is not due to any lack of ideas or material. Living with my children gives me enough to write about for decades to come, and then I’ll write about everything else that I never had time to blog.

In sixth grade I clearly remember a teacher threatening my friends and I with, “If y’all don’t stop talking I’ll have you write 500 page essays!”

I recall then thinking something along the lines of, “Have at it Miss Turner, I could write 1000 words before you even cross the classroom.” Verbosity is not a problem. Fortunately I didn’t... more

I’ve written before about some wonderful social workers I’ve encountered over the years, the one here in Georgia has been awesome, supportive and tremendously helpful way past the finalization of my adoptions. She’s still the first one I call when my family has issues; she helps me brainstorm, offers ideas, methods and suggestions, and capably guides me a different way if necessary.

This morning I was telling my kids about the time one of my older adopted daughters returned to Texas with me as I was in the midst of another adoption. This daughter now has a Master’s... more

Having once been a school library media specialist, years ago referred to as a librarian, simply because I adore books, I was more than pleased to be sent a delightful children’s book on Russian older child adoption to review.

I’ve taken several courses in Children’s Literature over the years and reviewed such books for a now defunct Georgia magazine at one point, doing so just for the free books. I’m telling you, I love books.

I won’t sit through a bad one though, I’ll shut it and move on, so many books so little time.

I was particularly overjoyed... more