I’m a little cowed by the fact that several of my children have needed to live somewhere else in out-of-home placements. I could not meet their psychiatric needs within the confines and limitations of our family home. No one but a psychiatric facility with a staff and PRN medications would be able to keep irrational, violent children safe from themselves. The safety of others must also be considered.

This side of life has shocked me in such an abject manner. I would not have knowingly adopted... more

A comment yesterday has stayed in my mind regarding “nothing of their former lives.” The exact quote was,

“It always surprised me to hear him and his siblings talk about their childhoods, because I knew nothing of their "former" lives...my reality was what I knew.”

Now that eight of my grown children have had their own children, what should they say about their early childhood years before they were adopted? When their children are old enough, should they spill the beans?

So far, my oldest granddaughter, now 12, knows very little about her... more

I had my sixteenth grandchild this evening, a pretty little girl named after two grandmothers, Hazel Bailey. Hazel Bay for short as one great grandmother has always been called Bay.

This is my birth daughter’s second child. When she had her first child Ray, it was my ninth grandchild and one of my adopted daughters who’d been with me nearly 20 years actually said to me, “I’ll bet you’re really happy about this one.”

She shocked me with that statement.

I was happy every time I had a grandchild, a little daunted to find myself with one at age 40 certainly,... more

The younger sister of my son who is in a psychiatric facility is escalating her own destructive, anti-social, control issue behaviors. I know that part of the problem, at the moment, is her grief over her birth brother, and part of it involves stepping up to the plate to fill the vacuum caused by his void from our family.

We’ve had several mornings where she purposefully dresses inappropriately for school and then has a rage when told to go change her clothes. Screaming a lie to me, at the top of her lungs, “But I don’t have anything else to wear!”

What bullspit.... more

Like a mama with 39 kids doesn’t have a big enough family, this pictures illustrates the convolutions. My youngest daughter is on the left. The son of my oldest daughter is on the right, with his cousin in the middle. She’s the granddaughter of my first ex-husband, the daughter of his second daughter by his second wife. My birth daughter was his first daughter by his first wife.

“Is she my cousin too?” Tabby, my youngest daughter, demanded to know.

My first ex-husband and I tried to figure it out.

“I suppose so,” I finally answered,... more

After nearly two months now in two different psychiatric hospital placements, my son was discharged yesterday as they are both considered short term facilities. Even if it is obvious that our family’s safety would be jeopardized by having him come home, it’s basically tough toenails. Deal with it.

I’ve spent eight weeks now, sending emails queries and making phone calls, hunting for the next tenuous solution. I’ve been here before with a significantly disturbed child, two kids of mine actually who have little hope for a good future as their choices are so limited.

I’ve documented all attempts. I’ve found that I have to prove what I’ve tried to do, how many ways in which... more

Yesterday’s post about forgiveness struck some nerves, most noticeably with my daughter who called me first thing this morning.

“I think you said it about right,” she started, “I don’t think I’m really that mad any longer… am I?

Then she launched into her anger regarding what was done to her baby brothers more than 20 years ago. This daughter of mine is extremely intelligent and so was her birth mom. I’ve met her and listened to my daughter and an older birth sister as they’ve regaled me with all the stories that have truly left me dumbfounded and wondering how any of them survived... more

A local school here has a tradition of handing out daily awards for being caught doing something good. I like that. It's the little stuff even like being caught behaving in the hallway or acting right in the school cafeteria. With my kids, being caught doing anything good is progress.

I try and do that here at home as well. “Good job, Javy” just because he took a load of trash outside to the truck or, “Thanks Dubs, when he picks up dirty socks that someone else slung at the ceiling fan.

I know there’s the whole self-esteem issue going on and the flip... more

What with this being Sunday and all, I’m going to expound upon our pastor’s sermon today. An uncomfortable topic for my kids, forgiveness, it’s hard enough for adults to wrap their minds around the concept.

Forgiveness is the act of pardoning somebody for a mistake or a wrongdoing.

Can we call child abuse and neglect just a mistake?

One of my older daughters struggles the most with this concept. Herself now a wife and a mother with advanced degrees in social work, any time she even thinks about the concept of forgiveness, she becomes either angry or... more

I’ve blogged a great deal about the tantrums, rages and explosions here in my house. I hope I’ve never imparted a feeling that I handle this well all the time. I get emails asking me how I’d handle this situation or that in my home and truthfully it’s hard to tell without a great deal of background information.

One thing I’ve learned slowly is the need for me to always remain calm. Or to appear calm. Sometimes that only means that the child will escalate the rage in a blatant attempt to force me to react, such as breaking a window willfully right in front of me. ... more