I’ve mentioned before that I have one RAD daughter out of my 39 children. She is involved with the Department of Juvenile Justice system as she’s stolen several big ticket items from schoolmates on several occasions. Next theft will result in a Youth Detention Center confinement as she will then have gone through a series of sanctions, chances, and events.

I’ve had her in private therapy for years, nearly 8 years, and now in court ordered Intensive Family Intervention Therapy with one of the most professional mental health workers I’ve ever... more

As I share all this information regarding the traumatized children in our family, and I relate our difficult times, I want to make certain that I’ve also made it clear that I totally adore every single one of them, no matter how badly they are acting out at any given moment. And now, with a dozen grandchildren, I’m reaping the benefits of hanging in there for so long. The next generation has escaped the “generational curse” one so often sees in the child welfare system.

I’m affectionate and boisterous in my love to them. No one wonders how I feel, I’m... more

I receive bulletins from Focal Point: research, policy & practice in children’s mental health, because we use our county’s mental health facilities. At their link you can download the articles and this month’s emphasis was “Traumatic Stress/Child Welfare.” It is must reading for parents adopting older children.

I found every single word in this issue to have practical applications in older child adoptions. There’s not a single older child, available for adoption, who is not unscathed.... more

“I do permanent placement foster care...just one kid at a time.

Right now I am driving someone else's girl to high school in the morning. I have known her, provided her with respite care, through four placements. She works so hard at driving people away, and then she is hurt because they leave.

I hurt for her so much. And I know I cannot take her because I cannot ask my boys to live with the verbal abuse she dishes out to everyone she lives with.

How do you manage that? How do you stick with the ragers, the venom spitters,... more

My 18 year old just called me from jail...the ultimate out-of-home placement. He was arrested on a probation violation; he actually turned himself in, as I’d advised him to do. He’d been calling me, telling me he was just going to run from the law, and I hounded him to do the right thing.

It wasn’t just my words that made him do this, although he does like to make me proud. I wish he could see that it’s kind of hard to be proud under these specific circumstances. But, in parenting older, traumatized children, I’ve learned to take my odd moments... more

“Management is nothing more than motivating people,” claims Lee Iacocca. I’ve mentioned before that I read management, leadership and coaching books just for fun; because essentially that’s what a mother does…we manage, lead, motivate, encourage, and inspire our children to become winners and leaders.

It is just more difficult when one is parenting traumatized children, not only did... more

Having 39 children is not my claim to fame; it is only my way of indicating here, within these pages, the level of my experience with raising older adopted children. I have experience, not expertise; baptism by fire, badges of honor possibly for hanging in there for decades; and I’ve seen so much plus experienced so many highs and lows along the way. Having been someone’s mom for 33 years and 25 years of working in the public school system, homeroom teacher to the emergency shelter teenagers…I may have nothing but experience.

Indeed, I... more

I sincerely doubt that there’s a parent on earth, birth or adoptive, who has not been accused at some time or another of playing favorites. With 39 kids even the perceived favorite of the moment will accuse me a minute later of favoring another.

I’ll play into the game as well at times, “You’re my very favorite 17 years old!” to one of the few ages that I only have one of, or “You’re my favorite third grader in Ms Carr’s class,” getting specific enough to boost an ego and always provoking the response of, “but I’m the only... more

When my birth child was 14 years old we went to Honduras together as I’d been matched with two Honduran sisters, 10 and 12. I was still working in the school system and preferred to adopt school-age children. I also felt more called into that arena, feeling that babies had an easier time of finding a family, and I was 33 then, not all that interested in returning to the diaper phase of my life.

At the time I did not know that within the decade I’d be raising grandchildren as well. I also did not have a clue that my family would grow exponentially. Then I just simply wanted to adopt the two sisters.

However, before I even left Honduras several weeks later, their third sister... more

Adoption workers have often told me that when they post a photo listing of a waiting sibling group that has young kids in it, they are always bombarded with calls of, “I’ll take the little ones,” as if the older ones will somehow appreciate that kind of help?

I don’t think so.

In every case of sibling group adoption within our family, the oldest child would have fiercely fought for the right to maintain the connection within their family. Having already lost their parent(s), it is devastating to think of losing one’s siblings... more