Is Birthparent Contact What’s Best for the Kids?

June 8th, 2011

voss The hardest decision my husband and I have had to make in the seven years since we got our kids is whether to allow contact between them and their birthparents. We first fostered, then adopted, a sibling group (ages 8, 5 and 16 months) who were taken away from their birthparents for substance abuse, domestic violence and mental illness. For the first two foster care years, the  birthmother had one visit with my daughter and no visits with either son. The birthfather had a handful of visits with all three kids as a group, but he missed many more than he kept. By the time the kids were freed for adoption, the birthparents had lied to them, stood them up for visits, and promised… [more]

To Twin or not to Twin…

January 16th, 2009

Upon starting the adoption process I quickly learned that twinning (adopting a child the same age as a child at home) is not looked highly upon. In fact, many agencies do not allow families to twin or go out of birth order. By complete accident we signed up with an agency that does allow these options. From the beginning I declared that I would not “twin” my eldest child (then age 8). She loves to be in charge and was an only child for five years, so she is used to being the first to do everything. I felt more comfortable twinning my 3 year old. So when a referral came for two amazing girls ages 6 and 8….I ignored my declaration… [more]

From Birth Mom To Lucky Grandma

March 14th, 2007

I ran into an old friend today. I heard she was getting married. Much to my surprise she was pushing a stroller with the cutest little girl all decked out in pink. She began to tell me that after she lost her children into foster care and divorced her ex husband who had been very abusive to her and the children, she had worked her parent plan and an elderly gentleman came into her life and helped her get her boys back home with her out of the foster care program. She had raised all of her boys and now after 20 years, one of her sons had been burdened with being able to care for his little baby girl. So he… [more]

Exploring A Child’s Case File

February 11th, 2007

One of the first things that you are told as a foster or a pre adoptive parent is that you can request to explore the child case file, if you in fact would like to do so. Most of the time the file must be kept at the agency. So you may wish to give your self time to be able to scan through it without being rushed. This is one way to get to know the emotional and mental as well as physical actions or incidents that your child has been through. It can help you to understand your child so much better. Things that have happened to the child can shed light on what they are feeling and going through emotionally and mentally now. This is very important… [more]

Another Amazing Year For Adoption

January 1st, 2007

In 2007 I believe that we will see amazing changes in the world of adoption. The past ten years have brought us so far, into a world of information and changes in adoption practices. The increasing number of adoptive families is a positive move toward our future, to find homes for all the need children of our world. Adoptive families are not the minority anymore, so we hope that the resources and social outlook towards adoption and adoptive families will be a more positive factor for the year of 2007 also. The media is full of information on children who are waiting for adoptive homes. The papers are full of stories of foster care and adoption issues. Books are being written with focus towards… [more]

Changing A Birth Name

December 8th, 2006

Most parents love to plan what they will name their child. It is a precious moment and should be taken into top consideration when adopting. Children who are at a toddlers age or older are already accustomed to being called by their birth name. So in many cases it may be better to let that name remain your child's given name for his or her own best interests. In the adoption of older children, the child sometimes wishes to change their name. My children went into a room with their therapist and came out the same small people but with different names. We had already known them by their birth name for sixteen months. It was very hard for us to just begin… [more]

Adoption Medical History Alarm

November 19th, 2006

Recently a very close friend of mine applied to adopt a child from a distant member of her family. She did not do the research that one would do when adopting a child with no Family Background. It seemed a waste of time to her because she was in fact blood related to the child she was planning to adopt. On the child's placement in her home she completed all the paper work for the child to begin school. However, she had to have the child seen by a physician and have the child's shots up dated for her new little girl to attend school. The doctor was a family friend and did all the routine tests on the little girl. Everything seemed to be just fine and they were adjusting to their new… [more]

Adoption The Need For Complete Medical History

November 9th, 2006

From the first moment the "gift of life" is given. It should include important facts for the new parents and the child who is placed up for adoption. Birth parents need to take time and complete a biological medical history on both biological parents. This would provide the much needed information for Doctors and Therapists in the years ahead of the new baby. As an adoptive mom I scrambled to find living relatives of my adopted children and we compiled as much medical history as we could find for our children. In the process we learned of grand parents and uncles and people that were in the biological family suffering from addictions and mental illnesses. We found out that stomach cancer was present in their… [more]

The Search For Answers

November 5th, 2006

As an adopted child she refused to let anyone tell her that her birth parents were not coming back for her someday. She had put up her walls around her heart and no one was going to ever penetrate them and make her lose her focus of one day going back home to her family. At night she would lay awake and toss and turn in her bed. Fighting sleep to hang on to valuable memories that she refused to share with anyone. Day after day she fell in to darker moods and living with her became a task for those around her. She had two supportive adoptive parents and one adoptive aunt who thought the sun rose and set on her little face. She was showered… [more]

Adoption A Choice For Life

October 27th, 2006

Today I speak to the children of adoption. The children who spend time wondering Why? So many questions go through your mind and sometimes those very questions keep you from living a joyful life. You allow your heart and soul to be broken because you worry that your birth parent did not love you. You wonder why they did not keep you? You allow sadness to fill your life. I do not know any mother on this earth that would want to place such a burden upon their child. For a mothers love is the closest thing to God's love that we see upon this earth. If you are here it is because someone loved you so much they carried you for nine… [more]