Is Birthparent Contact What’s Best for the Kids?

June 8th, 2011

voss The hardest decision my husband and I have had to make in the seven years since we got our kids is whether to allow contact between them and their birthparents. We first fostered, then adopted, a sibling group (ages 8, 5 and 16 months) who were taken away from their birthparents for substance abuse, domestic violence and mental illness. For the first two foster care years, the  birthmother had one visit with my daughter and no visits with either son. The birthfather had a handful of visits with all three kids as a group, but he missed many more than he kept. By the time the kids were freed for adoption, the birthparents had lied to them, stood them up for visits, and promised… [more]

Every Silver Lining Has a Cloud

January 13th, 2011

cloudsMonday morning I blogged about waking up to a beautiful layer of snow that covered our city.  I wrote about my children having the day off school to frolic and play (the Eskimo way) and I told the story of my older daughter who had just arrived from India, and how she erroneously believed that she would find snow at her new house in the United States even though it was late May when she arrived. It was lovely how I described snow days as being gifts from God.  I get all warm and cozy just thinking about it.... So here it is three days later and I'm not feeling so warm and generous about the weather anymore. Tuesday morning--Snow Day #2--my son opens the… [more]

The Fist

January 2nd, 2011

sleepingYears ago I taught at a preschool.  Every year there were "those kids"--you know, the ones who did not understand the concept of sharing, the ones who were incredibly impulsive , the ones who took out their frustration by hitting or screaming at the other kids and me, the ones who were unable to sit still...In short, these were the ones who drove me and every other teacher crazy.  The director of the school maintained that the best way to deal with these kinds of children was to "catch them while they were good".  So for every correction I made, or disciplinary measure I had to inflict, I tried to balance it with two positive ones. In addition to that approach, I came… [more]

Summer Is Coming

April 30th, 2010

1202718_longing_2 Summer is coming!  Last day of school!  Sleeping in and playing all day!   Yeah, won't everyone be happy now? Don't we wish!  As parents of older adopted children we know that a change in the "normal" routine can be very disturbing to our kids.  I learned this last year the hard way.  I had thought that the less demanding days would improve behavior as stress was decreased from having no school. It turns out that the change in routine was so upsetting that they had a really hard time transitioning into summer. I noted early during last years break that they were going through a sort of "mourning" with the "loss" of a beloved teacher.  Granted, the teachers were still alive and the kids… [more]

Deep Breathing Does Help

February 10th, 2010

1078767_waiting_2I have had a lot of issues lately with anger, frustration, depression and being just plain old sick and tired.  We are almost two years into our having Mita and Enu home with us and it is as hard now as it has ever been for me.  I know that some of this is stemming from the fact that the girls are just now working through some tough issues themselves and acting out.  I also feel that I am just not as energized as I have been in the past.  I think I ran on adrenaline the first year and now my body is begging me to give it a rest, work things out with help from others and to give… [more]