“Things” And Your Older Child

February 25th, 2009

When bringing a new child into the home our first reaction seems to be - Buy! We want to get nice, new clothes, toys, bedspreads and bath towels with cartoons on them. None of these things are inherently bad, but we must consider what is best for our kids. Most of our older kids have had very little of their own and may have never had anything brand new at all. Like toddlers it takes time for them to learn how to take care of things. Start small with a couple outfits in the closet, some socks and underwear in the drawers and a doll or Mp3 player depending on the age of your child. A few books on a shelf and… [more]

Searching for Help in the Mental Health Arena

August 23rd, 2007

If you adopt children with severe emotional issues, mental illnesses or mental disabilities, be expected to walk through fire when you attempt to find help for them. When it is no longer safe for them to remain at home, when a parent MUST seek an out-of-home placement in order to ensure their safety and that of other family members, it has been my experience, on three diagnosed kids over the last decade, that they will then turn on you. My other choice would have been to possibly allow a murder to take place. And then if it was not me killed, I would have to face questions such as, “Why did you not seek help? Were these verbal and physical threats? Have you had him in counseling?” This same son… [more]

Blaming The Adoptive Parents

August 19th, 2007

It’s starting to look quite likely that I may only be able to write my minimum number of posts this month. It’s not a time issue for me as I can blog quickly, rather it is a number of challenges in my home right now that I’d prefer to resolve first. A big one is criticism and outright condemnation. I’ve finally gotten to my computer after a few days away from it and have caught up on Nancy Spoolstra's recent posts about facing unwarranted blame. I’m reminded of Thumper in Bambi, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Words hurt people and I’ve noticed a large movement of folks assuming that adoptive parents don’t mind all the armchair… [more]

Family Safety With Disturbed Children

June 17th, 2007

I was going to write about positive expectancy but I got waylaid by negativism this morning before church. I should be sitting in my Ladies Sunday School Class, absorbing the teachings of Miss Martha, always an uplifting and interesting experience. Instead I dropped off all the other children and came back home to deal with a 12 year old rager who last split his bedroom door in half and who has punched holes in my walls. He’s again angry because I wouldn’t let him attack a ten year old who accidentally got a drop of water on him yesterday when they were drying off after swimming. This same young man has literally used the words, “I’m going to kill you/him/her,” constantly all summer… [more]

Beware of This Bus Driver

March 18th, 2007

Adult men who grew up in single-parent households are twice as likely as other men to have been sexually abused during childhood, a U.S. study found. I’m a single parent. I’m very aware, and outspoken, over the “Mom’s Live-In Boyfriend” problem. Usually in every crime against children, there's a “Mom’s Live-In Boyfriend” suspect; often unemployed, living in her apartment, and serving as a free babysitter. Way too often he has a criminal record. The risk was higher in one-parent homes with lower incomes than in one-parent homes with higher incomes. I suppose the lure of free child care overruled the need for personal safety? I know that there is a world of child predators out there trolling for victims. One only has to… [more]

A Birth Child’s Perspective on Ragers

February 10th, 2007
Categories: Family Safety

Several days ago I was asked about my other children, what were they doing while one child violently raged. How did they handle it emotionally? How to I protect the good kids? My oldest daughter, my only birth child Sarah, pictured her with her son, started to respond in the comment section, but held back, feeling she might be perceived as flippant or insensitive, so she’d called me up with her opinion. Basically she had wanted to respond simply, “we deal with it. It’s part of the adoption of older children, but it doesn’t mean we have to like it.” Another older daughter told me it was harder now to take it, in that years ago when I only had 16 kids… [more]

Update for Family Safety

February 3rd, 2007
Categories: Family Safety

Once again with the national abduction of the two Missouri boys and the perfect information that led police to find both boys given to them by a local school master and a friend, we might want to update our family safety rules again. Safety rules are for any place and every place our children go. As parents we might take it for granted that they must know this. But in reality we need to tell them and then tell them again and again until they understand us. Who would think a 41 year old Pizzaria Manager would be the type of person who would abduct teenage boys? Ben Ownby was 13 years old. I am sure he had no idea that… [more]

Winter Sports and Family Safety

December 19th, 2006
Categories: Family Safety

The snow if falling all over the place and our kids are ready to head out into that gorgeous white stuff to make their first snowman. So it is now time to think about family safety during winter sporting and activities. Here are a few good and helpful hints: 1.) Dress for the degree of and weather outside. 2.) Take a back pack with extra dry socks and gloves. 3.) Make sure skates fit appropriately. Make sure the laces are tight and secure the ankle. 4.) Check out the blades on the skates before putting them on. 5.) Make sure the ice is… [more]

Keep The Heat Make Sure You Eat

December 13th, 2006
Categories: Family Safety

In this cold winter weather. Our bodies need a little more nutrition and calories to keep us warm. Especially busy children who are out to play in the snow and are burning up calories right and left. It is best to make sure they stop long enough to have a good breakfast to start the day. Warm oatmeal or some bacon and eggs may be just right for the menu. Orange juice and milk are better choices for a good morning drink. But a nice warm cup of hot chocolate laced with milk instead of water will work too. Angela's blood sugar levels can fall fast during the day and she thinks nibbling at something is actually eating. I often have… [more]

Yelling Can It Be Child Abuse?

November 24th, 2006
Categories: Family Safety

Most of us can think of someone we know who seems to "Yell" better than they can speak English. We often do not think when we are raising our voices what effect our voice and words are having on the little ones around us. If you yell a lot as a parent. You might find that your child does not respond to you very well. They have two choice to get used to you sounding loud or to become scared of you and react to your anger. I always tell my children if they are raising their voice at someone. They should remember to lay their baby down and not raise their voice while having their child in their arms. My sisters and brothers… [more]