Deep Breathing Does Help

February 10th, 2010

1078767_waiting_2I have had a lot of issues lately with anger, frustration, depression and being just plain old sick and tired.  We are almost two years into our having Mita and Enu home with us and it is as hard now as it has ever been for me.  I know that some of this is stemming from the fact that the girls are just now working through some tough issues themselves and acting out.  I also feel that I am just not as energized as I have been in the past.  I think I ran on adrenaline the first year and now my body is begging me to give it a rest, work things out with help from others and to give… [more]

Wishing Upon A Star

February 6th, 2010

667703_cardOur trip to Disney World gave me a lot to think about.  Some of these things to think about aren't easy topics with easy solutions, but tough questions that have no answers. Mita is going to be ten in a week (on paper anyway, she looks about 13!).  In her years on Earth she has lost a mother to AIDS, lost a father through relinquishment and lost her country, culture and language through adoption.  That is  more than most of us ever lose in a lifetime.  I do treasure the fact that they can remember Ethiopia and their family, but with those memories comes the feeling of loss and the very real feeling of pain. If you add the pain of budding puberty… [more]

Disney With Older Children

January 26th, 2010

Hubby and I took our girls to Disney World for eight days.  We had successfully planned the trip months in advanced and were able to surprise the girls on Christmas morning.  When this trip was planned (and paid for) our house was as normal as it ever had been since the adoption.  Minimal fighting, whining no breakdowns or wig outs for months. As our trip approached however, a lot of issues started coming to the surface.  Hubby and I were worried our well planned trip may not be exactly what our girls needed at this time, but decided to keep up with our plans. Mita and Enu didn't enjoy the drive down and there anxiety surfaced as snottiness.  For example, " We would have been there by now if we had taking… [more]

Transitions

December 19th, 2009

1003409_clockTransitions or transitional periods seem to be buzz words with parenting all children.  If you have yet to be a parent, be forewarned and study up on how to make transitions easier for your future children. When I speak of transitions I am not talking about big, life-changing events like adoption, moving to a new house or gaining a new sibling.  Those are obvious transitions that we tend to work  at making them as easy as possible.  I am talking about simple daily activities such as the transition between school and home, dinner time and homework time, bedtime, chores...the list goes on and on.  Simple transitions that we have to do, we cannot get away from and transitions that are so routine that you… [more]

My Measure Of Success May Not Sound Successful

November 18th, 2009

IMGP3393zEnu threw a raging fit the other day.  The worst one ever regarding physical abuse (to me).  After all was calm and Hubby had come home to help me, we discussed what caused the outburst, what we did right and no so right.  It seems a tad bit humerous that I had been bitten and spat upon twice and yet we were excited over two things.  One was that it had been three months since her last outburst (the longest period of calm she has ever had) and two was that it was short lived (about 25 minutes) and she rebounding very quickly. Parents of older adopted children can see why we are so happy about the above mentioned fit.  My mom, however… [more]

A First Sleep-Over

October 31st, 2009

Mita's First Pumpkin

Mita's First Pumpkin

Mita and Enu have been home now for a year and a half...probably longer, I just stopped counting after a while.  It really seems like they have always been here for the most part.  Tonight, however, an unexpected invitation for a slumber party threw me into shock.  Mita has only spent the night at her Grandma's and Grammy's houses.  We have had a couple of overnighters with friends staying here, but never at a friend's house.

We were trick-or-treating (all treats with no tricks thankfully!) and ran into one of Mita's friends and her mom.  The look on Mita's face was pure excitement!  She was thrilled to be asked to spend the night with… [more]

Older Child Adoption = Special Needs Adoption

October 29th, 2009

1215912_paper_chain_in_the_darkTwo years ago if you would have asked me if we were going to adopt children with special needs, I would have felt bad for saying no, and gone over our reasons why we were not adopting special needs children.  Like many people I saw special  needs children as kids with chronic conditions like Cerebral Palsy, deafness, blindness or in a wheelchair.  We knew at that time of our lives we were not able to handle  the extra time and money that a speical needs adoption can bring. The joke was on us I guess.  I have realized that older children have special needs of their own.  Our darling girls are physically well, but have emotional needs that require time, money and sometimes a… [more]

Hygiene And The Older Child

October 20th, 2009

1169209_daily_job_brush_those_teethWhen adopting an older child or older children you must prepare for kids who may or may not have had the same hygiene training as we are used to.  I have touched on this before in the following posts: Bathroom Stratagies Part one and two. Since I wrote the above posts I have had some more experience with this fun, fun, fun subject. While visiting our therapist last week I was venting on the lack of toilet paper use with Mita and Enu.  She suggested that I start providing the girls with the flushable wet wipes that toddlers use.  As we have an old house with an old plumbing system and I don't want to push it much (flushable doesn't always mean flushable), but I… [more]

Preparing the relatives

September 24th, 2009

I have written a lot about preparing your immediate family and your home for the adoption of an older child.  This of course should be the priority in your preparations, but it is also important to prepare your extended family:  Grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, close friends.   Even if your adoption news has been celebrated and welcome in your extended family, there are still some basic knowledge tidbits that should be discussed BEFORE your child or children come home. There are several ways to go about this education process.  You can decide what works best with your family.  If you are a touchy/feeling family who gathers frequently a small get together may suffice.  A more standoffish or subdued family may need more one on one converstaion.  A large family or a family separated… [more]

Beware of A false sense of security

September 23rd, 2009

917971_checkerboard__chequerboard_1Just the other day I was reading a post on my agency's Yahoo group.  The family posting had had their 8 year old from Ethiopia home for two weeks.  They were so excited about how well everything was going, that they were attaching, had no behavior issues and the child was going to start school in two weeks. My personal reaction was STOP! RETHINK ALL THAT YOU HAVE READ AND LEARNED!  Our agency does a great job in preparing parents about adopting older children as that is where they put their emphasis at.  I think as waiting parents we prepare but have a secret dream that our adoption will be easy. The child will be grateful, a delight and our family will go… [more]