My longtime caseworker, now the owner/director of a special needs adoption agency and an adoptive parent of six children definitely prepared me as much as was humanly possible in the thrills and the pitfalls involved in the adoption of older children.

She wryly once suggested that every prospective adoption parent should read An Unlit Path and Dandelion on my Pillow, Butcher Knife... more

I spent several hours in one bedroom this morning after the kids had gone to school. Two sons share this room, ages 9 and 10, and to say they treat it like a pigsty would be insulting to hogs everywhere.

I truly do not understand why they find it necessary to pull every shirt off the hangers and throw every pair of pants around the room, dumping out drawers every morning.

For the past two weeks when either one has requested computer privilege my rhetorical question has been, “Is your room clean?”

They hang their heads and walk off with... more

I woke up last night hearing banging around downstairs so I went to check. In my sleep fogged mind I thought it was the police at the door. “Why didn’t they call first?” My next thought was, “What the heck?”

I realized I’m slightly traumatized from living on the edge for so long with so many once troubled children but this is getting ridiculous. I trudged downstairs at 3 in the morning figuring I’d at least catch a kid sneaking food or trying to log on to a password protected computer but instead everyone was snoring in their rooms.

The banging involved... more

Reading Nancy Spoolstra’s post about the tragic college shooting deaths this week, I was just thinking and wondering if we’d also find out that the shooter was adopted. I only say that, in my paranoia, because of stories like this that have become all too prevalent and my second most violent kid will come to visit us this upcoming weekend. The most violent one returned home in December but has improved.

These... more

It is so not a full moon and the tides likely haven’t shifted discernibly, but the moods and emotions within our family lately have been tumultuous at best.

We’re on winter break so the kids are home all day. Usually that’s a good thing; no one likes the pressure of the outside world, feeling safe, stable and secure way down our dirt road and up the long, winding driveway through the trees.

A bunch of acres in which to run and play, several creeks cutting through the property and we have a swimming pool. Add in all the bicycles, skateboards, scooters, soccer... more

A lady I know as Patti commented, “So much of our efforts and energy as adoptive parents seem to circle around whether we are reaching them, getting through somehow. But we might never see something that looks like it with our children. Instead, it might break free as they look at their own children some day. I know. I am the child of an older adopted child.

I know this too as I look at my 16 grandchildren. I am extremely proud of the way my adopted children have parented their children.

A son who was arrested four times before he had a daughter is now a wonderful... more

“A very wise therapist told me once that we cannot measure our adopted children's success in life against our own. We are successful if our adopted children are leading lives better than that of their biological parents. By that, admittedly low, standard, ALL of my five daughters are successful, including the one with a felony meth charge on her record. It helps me immensely to keep that in mind.”

Y’all are absolutely writing my blog. All the comments from this post brought many... more

Here it is a Sunday night and this Preacher’s Kid, now a middle age mama of 39 children ages 5-34, needs to put her children to bed, get that old Preacher and his wife (Grandma and Grandpa) to combine forces with a married couple to babysit my sleeping kids while I slip off to the county jail to check on my 26 year old son who ought to know better.

Why two couples babysitting? Well why not? I’m not leaving them some very easy-going children to tend to, rather I have ragers and oppositional kids who’ll resent me for not being home, even though they won’t even know... more

OK folks, I have several grown children who are either in jail or have recently been arrested. My friends, other adoptive parents, have found themselves in this predicament as well. As awful as my best friend’s grown kids are acting, at least none of those three have been arrested. That’s a major thing to be proud of in our world.

I’ve had two daughters get arrested this year. Parenting for 34 years before a daughter of mine ever crossed that line, I found myself twice with girls who’ve hit people. One is a 31 year old college graduate; the other... more

Wracking my over-stressed brain for some positive posts to write about in the adoption of older children, I am feeling as if my negativity lately isn’t helping anyone to cope with their own family issues.

Or is it?

It isn’t easy being the parent of a child who spent many years in the foster care system. Why would I want to misrepresent that peculiar reality?

Foster care was usually much safer for my children than the birth families they were once removed from due to abuse, neglect and substance abuse. What is slowly dawning on me is that all of... more