I should permanently title my posts, "The Struggles Involved in Older Child Adoption."

I’d kindly advise all adoptive parents to stop what they’re doing right now and go read Nancy Spoolstra’s post today. Read Parts 1-5 for a brutally honest look at what we often seem to be up against. Her Tommy is my Fabian and her Amy is my Teresa.... more

I do go off, within these pages, about the difficulties I’ve encountered in the adoption of older children. Yet I have some very wonderful kids as well.

One is pictured here, acting silly in an older sister’s prom dress.

She’s my darling 12 year old sixth grader who just made the cheerleading squad for next year’s basketball team. Doesn’t interest me in the least, I’d even tried discouraging her a bit; “Don’t you want to stay on the rec soccer team? You are such an awesome player.”

But she was not to be deterred, she’s even... more

I don’t mean to minimize the existence of depression. I know it is real and that people battle this affliction constantly. I remember a local teacher having to go out on disability for depression related symptoms. I so can’t relate since I’m hyperactive, nosey and curious, and have way too many plans and ideas bouncing around in my mind.

The state of the environment does depress me to some degree, especially the ubiquitous aspect of plastic everywhere. EnviroWoman... more

Nancy blogged today about the way Amy is treating her and I could hear the pain in her words. I started to comment but being as wordy as I can be, I decided to blog it instead.

I’ve been where she is right now. That place where our children want to reject us, to hurt us as much as they’ve been hurt. Kind of a, “Thanks for a great life Mom, but now I’m going to make you sorry that you were the kind of mom I wished I’d had from the start.”

A... more

Our end-of-the school year meltdowns are in crazy full spin here. What does one do with a nine year old who refuses to get in the van and go to school? I could have picked him up and put him in, but not while his fists are flying and he’s raging. Several of us could have combined our strength and accomplished the task for the moment, but unless we sat on him he would have fought to get out. If we sat on him then one of us would have to do without a seatbelt which is certainly not an option.

He was raging... more

I deeply believe that one day, when we die most likely, we’ll be called upon to give an accounting of our actions, words and deeds.

My big mouth will certainly take some explaining. I’m working on it.

I do feel it behooves me to teach this belief to my children. I feel that we aren’t on this planet for a very long time, even if we live to be 100 years old, that’s barely a blink in eternity.

We need to do something, to stand for something, and to help in some way.

I absolutely love reading and learning about others and their amazing... more

I have five kids in the 11-12 year old age group, all on the same soccer team.

Four boys and a girl, all right good athletes, faced a tough team late last week that could have eliminated them from the playoffs. I’d pumped them up, “Face down this team, play hard and make them afraid to go up against all y’all. Go for it, I know you can win this game.”

The youngest one, CW, here since birth, jumped in with all his might, leadership skills evident, ready... more

My once rural, now affluent county has grown to now include about 25,000 people. I noticed today, after an entire day on the soccer fields, that a bunch of families have adopted girls from China. They’re all well-behaved, cute and great soccer players.

And I’m a little jealous.

When one doesn’t adopt from the foster care system, or one doesn’t adopt older children, one will naturally have an easier go of it. After 20 years of being neck deep in issues, often gasping for air, missing meals... more

I’m openly affectionate with my children. I hug and give kisses, I end phone calls to them with “I love you,” and I say it during the day to them.

I had one four year old duck his head for the first five years to make sure I didn’t kiss his cheek. I kissed the top of his head though. Now that it’s been seven years he’s comfortable with me, he let me kiss him at school the other day. He seeks hugs and he’s verbal about his feelings for me but it took a long time.

His younger brother resisted me as well. His oldest sister, now 18,... more

I was asked again about the bonding process in older adopted children and how long does it take? How long before a parent should throw in the towel if they feel their child isn’t bonding?

I nearly spit out my coffee at that one.

Older adopted children actively resist bonding. Why should they trust this next lady? The others let them down, they expect that to be routine now and many years later, some of mine still find themselves surprised that I’ve remained.

I cannot fathom their fear. I cannot begin to understand the depths of their... more