I am radically changing our expectations for Christmas. With the strong emotional support of my older children we are greatly reducing the “presents” aspect.

I wrote a post here explaining it better, but the bottom line is my intention of reducing anxiety and the ridiculous commercialistic expectations.

In reality, it’d take a bucket load of presents to produce the capped teeth, artificially white smiles of delight that one sees on TV when Christmas is portrayed.

And even... more

A third grade teacher stopped by this evening while my seven middle schoolers were acting unusually uncivilized. She corrected one and I slammed my hand on the table and docked computer time from another. This teacher called it ‘mental school,’ prompting a smile from me as she so aptly described the literal shenanigans at every meal lately.

My three six grade sons immediately became too big for their britches the minute they walked out the door of the elementary school and into middle school. I have three seventh graders, but one has bombed out for some residential mental health,... more

Sometimes I sound like I have it all together. Even when I have a raging child, it may seem as if I am always able to step back and calmly ascertain what is really going on inside their traumatized minds.

Since I don’t sit down and blog during a storm but rather much later as it comes to my mind, I am then sometimes able to figure out what really just happened. Usually I run it by a very smart daughter of mine, adopted at age 11, now 27 with her Master’s Degree in Social Work, she translates for me; her knowledge and understanding comes from her... more

I’m not going to take this opportunity to complain about the emotional challenges that holidays bring to traumatized children. I think I’ve mentioned that before. I’m trying my best to totally tone down Christmas this year, to make it more about family and food, less about stuff.

My kids have been off the wall all month. Hyperactive, anxious, brittle nerves on edge, and difficult to reason with, they’ve pushed my buttons for weeks. We’ve been terribly busy with two different musicals, a band concert, upcoming school parties, one daughter’s cheerleading schedule, and... more

My world has flipped. In therapy today my son was called out for oppositional compliance.

No kidding. This kid is so oppositional he was being compliant to annoy us all. Anything we said was met with agreement, no participation whatsoever was involved.

Eventually he irritated himself and switched sides before shutting down entirely. And this therapy was effective today, how?

But I’m finding that kids who need intensive therapy are often the same kids that won’t participate at all.

“Whatever,” was today’s curt,... more

I dare anyone who has adopted older children from the system to read this article. It is horrifying and totally realistic. It’s the same story I’ve heard from so many parents, and it’s been lived out here within our own family as well.

“Over the years the three have been diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, affective attachment disorder, post traumatic stress... more

Parents who’ve adopted older children usually bemoan the obvious – the lying and the stealing behaviors.

To tell you the truth, I’ve learned to live with those behaviors early on while doing my best to redirect them. I’ve seen progress but it has taken years. The children who did not lie and steal were nearly revered by me. The majority of children in our family do not lie or steal, that’s the good news.

What I’ve found terribly difficult to cope with all these years has been the emotional and mental illnesses. All of my children... more

I’ve belched out my frustrations so often lately that I’m wondering if I have any good kids. I do, I really do. The majority of my children are awesome and those that aren’t, wish they were, they just can’t help some of their behaviors.

My 20 year old son spent most of his day today driving me to grocery stores and getting a Christmas tree with me. He could have been out with any one of his girlfriends but he chose Mama. He needs our time together as much as I do. He needs quiet reassurance that he’s still my kid after growing up and moving out. He’d only had a mother for... more

As soon as I heard the news regarding the teen shooter, I wondered to myself if he’d either been a foster child or been adopted as an older child. I quickly tried to blow off that thought as paranoia on my part, having lived so long with children described like him. Yet reading these words today on a CNN site sent chills up my spine.

“Todd Landry, director of the Nebraska Division of Family and Children's Services, described for reporters the laundry list of residential... more

I’m hearing from many adoptive mothers who are saying the same thing. This era of blogging is allowing many of us to realize we are in similar circumstances, fighting the same battles, and facing equal challenges.

One of the most surprising ones I’ve faced have involved kids, adopted as older children, who are totally unable to leave the nest at age 18. Growing up I’d hear many of my own parent’s friends counting the days until their rebellious kids turned 18 and then the parents would theoretically be free from strife.

I’ve found this to not be a possibility for us.

A dear friend of mine, the mom of twelve challenging children and my colleague at Adopt... more