I dare anyone who has adopted older children from the system to read this article. It is horrifying and totally realistic. It’s the same story I’ve heard from so many parents, and it’s been lived out here within our own family as well.

“Over the years the three have been diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, affective attachment disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, reactive attachment disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, and schizophrenia.”

These are words I have learned to live with over the years. Many labels could have been avoided in my children had their birth parents not been given so many chances to let the children down with false promises and inabilities to follow a case plan, choosing boyfriends over parental obligations, or drugs and alcohol over any sense of responsibility.

My children went in and out of too many foster homes, too many times were reunited with the parents who remained incapacitated by substance abuse, and my darling children were hurt and damaged. It makes me angry, sad and frustrated even now to still think of what they endured. Imagine how they still feel.

My 23 year old daughter came across a picture of one of her foster moms. The husband had sexually abused her brother, my son, this was documented, and their foster home was closed. Yet last night, this daughter who has been my daughter since 1990, disclosed that she too had been abused in that home. It took her this long to get the nerve up to admit it, yet she was the one who told me long ago when another daughter confided in her about her abuse.

Unfortunately I’ve heard this from most of my children.

As I read this woman’s story and her dedicated, frustrated attempts to find help for her children, I felt a pang of sisterhood with her and with so many of y’all who’ve either been through this, are going through this, or have yet to have encountered these problems. Sadly, I’m afraid that many of you will uncover the layers of your children’s issues and be shocked at the depth of their pain and at the level of acting out that will then be manifested.

I believe I’d act out too had I endured their horrors. When it spills over into severe emotional issues, please search with all your being for what little help is out there. What little we’ve found has been excellent, we’re just still shocked at how great the need remains.

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