I dare anyone who has adopted older children from the system to read this article. It is horrifying and totally realistic. It’s the same story I’ve heard from so many parents, and it’s been lived out here within our own family as well.
“Over the years the three have been diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, affective attachment disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, reactive attachment disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, and schizophrenia.”
These are words I have learned to live with over the years. Many labels could have been avoided in my children had their birth parents not been given so many chances to let the children down with false promises and inabilities to follow a case plan, choosing boyfriends over parental obligations, or drugs and alcohol over any sense of responsibility.
My children went in and out of too many foster homes, too many times were reunited with the parents who remained incapacitated by substance abuse, and my darling children were hurt and damaged. It makes me angry, sad and frustrated even now to still think of what they endured. Imagine how they still feel.
My 23 year old daughter came across a picture of one of her foster moms. The husband had sexually abused her brother, my son, this was documented, and their foster home was closed. Yet last night, this daughter who has been my daughter since 1990, disclosed that she too had been abused in that home. It took her this long to get the nerve up to admit it, yet she was the one who told me long ago when another daughter confided in her about her abuse.
Unfortunately I’ve heard this from most of my children.
As I read this woman’s story and her dedicated, frustrated attempts to find help for her children, I felt a pang of sisterhood with her and with so many of y’all who’ve either been through this, are going through this, or have yet to have encountered these problems. Sadly, I’m afraid that many of you will uncover the layers of your children’s issues and be shocked at the depth of their pain and at the level of acting out that will then be manifested.
I believe I’d act out too had I endured their horrors. When it spills over into severe emotional issues, please search with all your being for what little help is out there. What little we’ve found has been excellent, we’re just still shocked at how great the need remains.
I’m with her! Only I want to change this whole entire country’s system! It needs to improve!
The bottom line was what one of the doctors interviewed said – the cost of care would go up. No insurance company is willing to pay for the care that is needed. And the state would rather pay for your child’s care in the future, in prison, rather than when the child still has a chance at rehabilitation. Maybe socialized medicine isn’t such a bad idea after all. I wonder how this type of problem is treated in England and Canada.
if you;ve ever had to go to a VA hospital or public mental health clinic you would see why total government control over health care, especially mental health care is a very bad idea..
first they tend to treat people like dog doo, they make you wait forever… they give very little help, etc…
meds are the only anwer to anything, very inflexable about appointments
This is a broken world. The system is not perfect but I think that the US is much better than most countries in providing assistance. Perhaps we should be thankful. Those abusive parents should be punished and locked up instead of being given numerous chances.
While researching on how to fix the foster care system through legislation, (I don’t want to be political here), I was surprised to find out that the Clintons were the last to do something about it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foster_care
Ernest makes an interesting observation. It is indeed a very broken world, and whenever people and money factor into the equation, it’s bound to remain that way. Not to say we shouldn’t try and fix the thing, but likewise I am not surprised in the least these days, about how messed up things can get. I was naive enough to believe that since we were talking about defenseless children here, the folks involved would have different motives. Some really do, but many do not. Not even a little bit.
I am sad to see how fractured this family in the article has become over raising these children. From the few comments, it seems as though none of them are on the same page about the whole situation. How do you deal with this? Some of you out there must experience this to some degree.