A First Sleep-Over

Mita's First Pumpkin

Mita and Enu have been home now for a year and a half…probably longer, I just stopped counting after a while.  It really seems like they have always been here for the most part.  Tonight, however, an unexpected invitation for a slumber party threw me into shock.  Mita has only spent the night at her Grandma’s and Grammy’s houses.  We have had a couple of overnighters with friends staying here, but never at a friend’s house.

We were trick-or-treating (all treats with no tricks thankfully!) and ran into one of Mita’s friends and her mom.  The look on Mita’s face was pure excitement!  She was thrilled to be asked to spend the night with her best friend.  I couldn’t have said no, if I wanted to.  The fact is I was proud and scared at the same time.  Proud that she was ready, scared because I wouldn’t be there for her.

This is a normal feeling for a parent, biological or adoptive, I had the same feeling for Meg the first time she went to a friend’s house for the night.   I was not prepared to let her go yet.  I have only had her for a little while and she is already “leaving the nest” in her own nine year old way.  I had a million reasons run through my mind that I could have said no for, but she was ready and my reasons were normal mommy reasons, not adoptive parenting reasons.

For those of you in the process of adopting an older child I’ll  explain what I mean by adoptive parenting reasons.  Like any child Mita has had issues with impulse control ( she just had to click every button, flip every switch, eat every chip, etc.)  We have also  had to work on what is appropriate to ask someone else (Asking to live with your friend’s parents is not an acceptable thing, just as asking to have their Wii games is not appropriate) and what is appropriate to tell other people (Talking about your dad’s burping is not acceptable).  We have also had to work on not looking at other people’s private stuff (going through cabinets, drawers and closets).  Again, these are normal mannerisms that parents teach their children, but when your child is doing these things at an older age, they can really get a bad response from people.  If a three year old takes candy from the store, it is a learning lesson.  If a nine year old takes the same candy she is a thief in people’s eyes.  They don’t realize that she had never stepped into a grocery store larger than a closet her entire life, that every shiny new package attracts her like it would a toddler.

Is Mita totally ready for her first sleep over?  My answer is that she is just as ready as any other nine year old and that  is such an accomplishment for all of us!  My worries are that she’ll stay up to late, eat to much junk and be silly. Ayear ago my worries would have been much more real and my anxiety for her safety and for other people’s reactions would have been very high.

Adopting an older child can be an accelerated parenting process that is not always easy, but it also means that the hard stuff can pass quicker as well.  I have a four year old that has refused to wear underwear for over a year… I cannot wait until that phase is over!

You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.