“We find no real satisfaction or happiness in life without obstacles to conquer and goals to achieve.”
Maxwell Maltz, Communication Bulletin for Managers & Supervisors, June 2004

Yeah, uh-huh, that’s what I keep reminding myself of as well. Who thought this would be easy? That one could adopt older children, give them a great home, and all would be well. Kind of old school thinking isn’t it?

Conversely, if I don’t demonstrate to my children that obstacles can be overcome, then what good am I to them? They need to see me set and achieve goals; they need to know that stumbling blocks can be turned into stepping stones. They need to have a mind full of positive affirmations in order to face each day.

Several of my middle school kids were fussing about their bus driver. He must hate Mexicans because he picks on them. What kind of pre-teen logic is that?

“Why do you say that?” I asked.

“He always thinks it is us talking, he never calls down the white kids.”

Knowing my chatterbox children, always glad to see each other after school, always excitedly talking to each other, I can visualize this bus driver’s frustration. Our van is loud as well due to our family’s constant exuberance.

We had a “talk” about being nice to the bus driver even if you think he doesn’t like you. It’s not about being Mexican, it’s about being a Bodie. “I want this man to think y’all are the best, the friendliest children on the bus. Treat him with respect, even if you don’t feel like doing that. Kill him with kindness. Just try it and see if it works.” I advised.

I know it works, I know he’ll respond to my beautiful kids smiling at him, being courteous, and appropriate.

I have to counter their mindset that the world owes them something. I have to fill their minds with positive thoughts; to replace the very many negative things that happened to them before they were adopted.

Older adopted children come into their new families with all their memories intact, with a great deal of fear and trepidation, and an underlying sense of, “If I bond with this family, I’m being disloyal to my original family.”

It’s my job to not take away their memories, but to allow them to love their former family members if they so desire to do so, and to give them the tools they need to succeed in life.

I believe that positive thinking is a much needed coping skill.