Did I knowingly do so? Or did I not actually comprehend that the bio parents of my children all had run-ins with the law? Felonies were committed, murders in two cases, drugs in almost all of the rest plus countless misdemeanors and utter disrespect for law and order.

My children were almost all adopted from the foster care system as older children, minorities, and in sibling groups with emotional challenges and issues.

What did I expect?

My children had all been exposed to criminal activity, to a pseudo-home life where drugs and alcohol were prevalent; often there was gang involvement, jail time, prison sentences, arrests for assault or theft and a frightening variety of other offenses.

Bills weren’t paid, physical retaliation was the norm, revenge was honored, education was not valued, some of my children had a tough time getting themselves to school since the adult figures were too passed out or disinterested or simply not even there to help. Groceries weren’t available, furniture was sparse and medical attention rarely sought.

So these older children then come to live with me, they are bruised and broken, not trusting anyone and all this after extended stints in the foster care system, separated from their sibling and pissed off. Not just angry but furious and raging.

I’d then smiled benevolently and way too innocently, practically branding myself as an easy mark, gullible and naively believing that love will conquer everything. We’ll get through this together I’d always insisted blindly, but with a deep belief.

And we do so. But it takes many, many years; we struggle way into their adulthood.

I wish I could find the book in which I’d read the words, “You meet the most interesting people when you adopt! Like police officers, judges, detectives, probation officers and CPS workers.”

I even stupidly thought, “Not me.”

But it has come to pass whether I wanted it or not. I simply cannot change a child’s deeply held mindset with only my love and nurturing.

I can stand by them, but not support their negative choices. I can continue to teach them and to hold them accountable, and I can always stress how important it is to do the right thing. I deeply, innately, gut-strength know that good will win over evil.

I’ll discuss this further in Part Two.

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