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I’ve belched out my frustrations so often lately that I’m wondering if I have any good kids. I do, I really do. The majority of my children are awesome and those that aren’t, wish they were, they just can’t help some of their behaviors.
My 20 year old son spent most of his day today driving me to grocery stores and getting a Christmas tree with me. He could have been out with any one of his girlfriends but he chose Mama. He needs our time together as much as I do. He needs quiet reassurance that he’s still my kid after growing up and moving out. He’d only had a mother for seven or so years; he lived here with me from ages 13-20, too short of a childhood, so much that we never had time to cover.
That’s OK, son. I’m not done yet.
I need his time and attention as well if only to reassure myself that all my love and attention was not in vain, that I really did make a difference in his life.
The later years are when we adoptive parents begin to see the gratitude we so often wished for during the teenage rebellion years and through the raging, emotional ill-health years.
My 22 year old son, always a delight, was explaining computer stuff on the phone to me this evening. I call him a great deal, lean on him and need him. He doesn’t live far away but he’s built a very nice life for himself with his girlfriend and many friends, the majority of his college friends have been his buddies since middle school. He is a rock solid man that I’m very proud of.
I see my grown daughters constantly. Four daughters live with their families within yelling distance. They want to be close to me and I equally, if not more so, want to live near them as well. They’ve grown into spectacular women, great company for me, and I look forward to our daily contact.
All of my children, adopted as older children, went through “stuff.” Some very serious stuff including jail, some minor rebellious shenanigans, and some painfully hateful attitudes to me that eventually dissolved as they learned my commitment was forever.
It’s been so worth it yet I have to keep reminding myself of that as I am still struggling mightily with several of my kids of varying ages.
This is good to hear for a mom who is just barely starting on the foster care journey.
Its good for me to hear too, as I am in the middle of the hard parts of parenting a teen. You are right Cindy in that I feel like I have so much I need to share with him give to him. And since he came to us at 17, I just won’t get the time. I’m hoping he’ll stay with us a couple more years while he goes to college.
Fatcat – I’m happy to hear that you’re doing foster care, the ned is so great.
Bippette – In my experience my children have either left too early or stayed right long, well into their 20s. But the ones who left early all came back around and lodged themselves firmly into our family.