Inside almost everyone lurks a little bit of fear. Some are afraid of spiders, being up high on a ladder, being on the water or sometimes even afraid of silly things like food. In most cases something has happened to make that person scared of whatever they are afraid of.

We learn as little children to feel happy, sad, mad, glad and even to be afraid of things. If a dog bites you and it hurts. Next time you see a dog you might remember the bite and be afraid of that dog.

When an older child is in foster care and comes up to be adopted. They carry a fear inside of them also. If their mom or dad used drugs or alcohol. They may be afraid of alcohol and drugs if they see them in your house. If their parents or someone hit them. They may even flinch or jump when you wave your hand near them. It is just a reaction to protect themselves from the fear of what has hurt them.

Understanding this helps you be able to know why your child may ask to sleep with the lights on or to have the door open at night or closed at night to their room. They may need to help you lock all the doors and windows at night.

Some of the big fears that adopted children have is:

1.) Being left alone. They are afraid you will not come back for them.

2.) Not having enough to eat. Food may have been kept from them and they were hungry all the time. So they may tend to hide food in their rooms so they know they have it near them.

3.) They may fear a baby sitter. Maybe someone their mom or dad left them with hurt them.

4.) They may not like sheets or blankets on their bed. Maybe someone covered their head and would not let them see.

5.) Being in small places. They may have been locked in a room or closet and were very scared.

6.) Being close and loving someone. They may have lost so many people they love that they are afraid to let themselves feel love for someone again.

7.) Trust. They are afraid to trust anyone because they have always had to take care of themselves.

These are just a few things kids who come into care are afraid of. But with explanation. It is easy to see why most kids could have a big amount of fear.

What about adopted parents? Could they be afraid too? Yes. They may not have felt like they would be good parents. Or they may not have ever taken care of a child before. We all have fears. The only way to get rid of them is to live through them and learn that things will not always be the same.
The next dog may wag it's tail and lick you. Then you could be friends for life. The next foster parent may be a nice person who gives a child everything they can and loves the child back.

It all takes time. Each day you learn not to be so afraid of things. One day you will find the only thing to be feared is fear itself.