My longtime caseworker, now the owner/director of a special needs adoption agency and an adoptive parent of six children definitely prepared me as much as was humanly possible in the thrills and the pitfalls involved in the adoption of older children.

She wryly once suggested that every prospective adoption parent should read An Unlit Path and Dandelion on my Pillow, Butcher Knife Beneath before proceeding into this uncharted territory. I wholeheartedly agree.

There is absolutely nothing more surprising nor daunting, as I look back over this twenty year journey, than inviting troubled children into one’s family.

It is so not their fault that they come with issues, challenges, suspicions and anger. If an adoptive parent could simply comprehend that one fact, a great deal of heartache could be avoided. It’s not about us.

These are darling, beautiful children who have been nearly destroyed by their birth parents or their time in foster care due to multiple moves as Kelly recently described.

After my children had all gone to school this morning and I was cleaning up the pile of papers that I need to plow through this morning I discovered a beautiful love note to me from my 14 year old daughter. She’s been my child for nearly eight years, a middle child in a very emotionally demanding sibling group of seven.

I know I should include bullet points here indicating what a new adoptive parent of an older child should reasonably expect but I feel too confined by a lack of vocabulary words in the English language to adequately prepare anyone for what’s up ahead for them. I don’t know if I’ve seen anyone ever have an easy go of it.

The longer I parent my children, the less I feel prepared or even knowledgeable. My eyes are opened wider every single day either in shock, astonishment, dismay or glad and grateful wonderment.

I can only continue to type out essays describing our trials, tribulations, ordeals, joyfulness and surprises. I have nothing but experience to report. I wish I had answers but the problems run so deep. Maybe all I can offer to everyone is hope?

After all these years I do abound still in hope and happy expectations.

Photo Credit Anya Rice