“I have learned that people are a lot like cement. You find cement or concrete in two forms: soft or hard. You can shape the soft cement with a spatula if you get to it early. If you wait too long, you'll need a jackhammer to change it.”

I have so many heroes, authors as mentors and other people that I look to for answers. Tim Elmore is one and he wrote the above words. This is not necessarily very good news in the world of adopting older children. I’d find it discouraging if I hadn’t already seen such success with my other children.

Realistically I am not necessarily out to change my children; I like their very unique, quirky personalities. I just want to help them be the best that they can be, to understand that they are lovable. They feel so innately devalued from rejection and abandonment; they need to now learn their worth as wonderful human beings.

What I have to change is their deeply negative outlook on life, no matter how justified they may feel by what has happened to them, I have to turn them around in another positive direction and I have to teach them so very, very much.

This is where I believe I may need a jackhammer. They just don’t believe that this strange, loud, bossy woman could possibly love them. I used to expect it to happen overnight when I was young and idealistic, now I’ve learned that it takes a very long time.

I have a few disturbed children that may never be able to comprehend this love. Mental illnesses, emotional damage (RAD), autistic tendencies, and other mental disabilities may prevent bonding. Reciprocity will never happen but I’m not emotionally needy. I can easily give without getting anything in return.

The majority of my children are more than capable of understanding parental love, they’ll succeed and they’ll be happy. I’ll be worn out from the effort but I’ll know it is worth it. That’ll be what I get in return, self-satisfaction in my work as a Mama.