An Unlit Path

Deborah L. Hannah, author of An Unlit Path, has written a searingly personal, and excruciatingly painful, account of her family’s journey into the foster/adoption world.

Extremely well-written, it had me from the introduction; I was transfixed, fascinated, interested, and horrified. Having myself also parented traumatized children for decades I could almost see what was coming, yet I too was blindsided by the twists and turns their very troubled children provoked.

I read the book in one day, all the more remarkable as it was a Saturday with 25 kids in the house with me. I stood at the stove, cooking and reading, and I stayed up late until I’d finished it, underlining many of her thoughts to write about, and ponder, later.

I was nearly afraid to get to the end, afraid she’d pour out her rage at what happened to her family, but her message encouraged even a tough, old bird like me, “Many of the things that happened to us could have been avoided, and even though we suffered a terrible loss, if we could go back in time, we would still have taken these children into our home.”

That’s what I needed to hear, a validation of what she, and many others of us, who’ve dared to take on this often insurmountable challenge.

The system failed her, social services let her down and persecuted her, the police were of little help, and even her church hurt her family. Filled with despair that she’d not made a difference in her children’s lives, I saw it differently, from a perspective of having done this for a very long time.

She kept her children safe through their childhood, she instilled values, and she demonstrated a strong family life to them that may not bear fruit for a very long time, but I feel certain that eventually it will do so.

I’ve lived with raging runaways, destructive, nearly murderous children, kids who’ve been arrested, investigations by social services due to lying allegations, pregnant teens, and children in psychiatric facilities. But after these same children storm through their twenties, partying and living wildly without the restrictions imposed by a parent, I’ve seen phenomenal emotional growth and maturity that I expect Mrs. Hannah will someday also encounter. I would love to read a follow up of this years from now.

This foster/adoption world is a wild ride, a heart breaking, gut-wrenching ordeal at times when we will question even our own sanity and original motivations. We’ll lose friends, support, spouses sometimes, family members will desert us, others will betray us, the unfathomable will occur, and we will stumble through to the other side with our head in our hands, trying to ensure that our appendages are still attached, so devastating this journey can be.

Deborah Hannah may have had a more extreme ride than many, but her inner strength was amazingly encouraging. She is not, for a minute, attempting to discourage others from adopting from the foster care system, but her very realistic, often bleak snapshot of it, is something everyone should be prepared for and, more importantly, trained to undergo.

I highly recommend all foster and adoptive parents read this book immediately.

Many of us, nowadays immersed in this adoption/foster care world, grew up reading Cheaper By the Dozen or Helen Doss’s The Family That No One Wanted, and we simply desired to parent large, happy families. But today’s children in foster care, damaged in utero by crack cocaine and meth, RAD and often without a conscience, are a different, and shockingly dangerous story now, as newer adoption books relate. I think it is very important that parents entering into this world do so with their eyes wide open.

Deborah Hannah kept this jaded, yet still optimistic parent, eagerly turning the pages, immersed in their world, and learning with every step taken with this strong, and inspiring, Colorado family.

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