Apologizing to my Older Adopted Children

I title many of my posts with the words “older adopted children” because that’s what I write about constantly. When other parents of older adopted children google search terms, they are more likely to find this blog if I do so.

I apologize openly to all my children for using the A word here so much. At home, in our real life I don’t use it. I don’t say, “This is my birth child,” or introduce anyone as my adopted child. These are all my children, my real children and I love them all. More importantly, they know, or are still learning that I love them.

Adoption is the same as birth in the eyes of the law, and in my eyes and we share the same last name, the same family, and we are forging a life together comprised of the same family memories. As my family grows with the addition of in-laws and grandchildren, I feel the ties that bind us together are as thick as a web.

They, my older adopted children, have been good about allowing me to talk about them and our experiences on these pages. I rarely use their real names though, identifying them as my 20 year old son or my four year old daughter as I’m writing more about the challenges that we’ve faced, trying to encourage other adoptive parents to hang in there, reminding them that it’s so worth it in the end. I’m so glad that I’ve stuck with my children, and they with me. There have been times however when I’ve had to force myself to continue, times when they too have wanted to flee.

I still call them children, even my adult children in their twenties and thirties, because I’m still their mom, maybe more so now than ever, becoming grandmother to their children. One of my grown sons, recently as distressed as I was about his sibling’s choices and possibilities, reminded me that I’d promised them I’d never give up.

Son, I’m not ever giving up; I’m searching for answers, possibilities, resources and programs that are suitable.

But every time I type “older adopted children” I cringe a bit inwardly, I’m not happy with using it so much yet I understand that this is what I do, I’ve adopted older children rather than babies.

So I ask my kids to please forgive me for the overuse of the A word. Nothing is wrong with it, we just don’t use it much here at home.

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