Most of the time as adults we tend to assume what is best for an older child.

First of all we must ask who is an older child in the first place? I would tend to say they are children that are around 6 years of age all the way up to pre adulthood. Children who remember their birth mom and dad. They remember life as it was in their birth home. They remember family.

When these children are separated from the only home life they have ever known, then placed in Foster Care due to multiple reasons, they suffer displacement issues, emotional depression, and often
do not know how or why life had to change so drastically for them.

One thing they do know after several months in Foster Care and after Termination of Parental Rights happens is how not to feel. They are so emotionally raked over the coals that sometimes they do not know where or whom they belong to now.

It is very important to ask questions. Help them sort out feelings. Let them know they have a right to a new beginning. They also have the right to their private memories and no one will erase them or take them from them.

It takes an older child time to adjust and to desire to be adopted. So in many cases Foster Care is a life saver. They are somewhere safe with loving families who will help them learn to let go of past hurts and to reach out for new beginnings.

Asking questions like Do you want to be adopted? How do you feel about becoming a part of another family? will help you learn more about the child and help the child sort out how they feel and what they want. Eventually to find a positive family unit that they want to belong to again.