If anyone ever asked me what I believed the most important thing needed in the adoption of older children, I wouldn’t even hesitate to spout off one word.

Attitude.

Attitude is everything.

It’s crushingly hard to maintain a positive attitude at times when one wants to rail at God for even thinking anyone could handle such oppositional, challenging children. But then I always step back with an admonition for myself, “Cindy, what are you thinking? You think God made a mistake?”

And I get back on that horse and ride.

To maintain such a sunny disposition I have to daily read and remind myself that it is vitally important to mentally pump myself up. I have stacks of books that I’ve bought at yard sales, underlined and notated, that I often reread for inspiration and motivation. After years and years of this I can quote tons of necessary lines into my brain at will.

One of my daughters, 15 years old, living in a therapeutic respite environment rather than here with us, does not call nor write to anyone in our family although she has three birth brothers here. It’s insulting and hurtful that she so willingly discarded us, mainly treating us with about as much concern as one would to cockroaches. “See ya!” she excitedly packed her bags and fled to the waiting car of a mental health provider who’d suggested that this was our only alternative in an attempt to change her mindset that was entrenched in thoughts of larcenous behavior.

There’s not a bone in her body that gives a rip, nor is it likely that she ever will do so in regards to our family. There’s nothing I can do, no amount of love has pierced her RAD armor, a reality that I’m learning to live with, an understanding that I did what I should and could do for her. But, of course I wanted more; I wanted to make a difference in her life and to mean something to her.

Tough toenails Cindy, deal with it.

Her older brother is in jail, not RAD but Bi-Polar. I did not have much of an impact on him either. He’s 18 and spent a total of four years in our home, four raging, massively destructive and totally disruptive years, making it hard for me to look back and now miss him much. Relief is the dominant emotion that I feel.

The last two brothers in that sibling group are now 11 and 13. One is absolutely promising, the thirteen year old has a very bright future but the 11 year old will be as equally challenging as his oldest siblings. Touched with Cerebral Palsy, rather disruptive at home but intrinsically sweet, he’ll keep me busy for many years.

So this morning, I gird myself with the words of Dr. John C. Maxwell,

“It's easy to have a great attitude when things are going our way. Attitude doesn't become the difference maker until challenges arise.”

I know there’ll be many challenges today to face and I try to not take them personally but rather as part of our journey as a family.