Sometimes I sound like I have it all together. Even when I have a raging child, it may seem as if I am always able to step back and calmly ascertain what is really going on inside their traumatized minds.
Since I donâ€™t sit down and blog during a storm but rather much later as it comes to my mind, I am then sometimes able to figure out what really just happened. Usually I run it by a very smart daughter of mine, adopted at age 11, now 27 with her Masterâ€™s Degree in Social Work, she translates for me; her knowledge and understanding comes from her many years in the foster care system.
I am very concerned now about a nine year old defiant son of mine. I know I am very old school, very old-fashioned, and my own child raising knowledge comes from the way I was raised many, many years ago by very strict parents.
At age nine I would have no more defied my parents than would I have smoked crack, which wasnâ€™t even invented back then. I just wouldnâ€™t have done so, I knew no one in my elementary school who would have behaved in such a manner.
Honestly sometimes I think my sonâ€™s behavior stems from the lack of consequences that I am able to dole out. Butt-whoopings are out of the question, yet that fear alone kept my peers and I in line back in the 1950s.
Hmmm, but look how my generation rebelled in the 1960s.
I read with great interest Julia Fullerâ€™s post on children who donâ€™t learn anyway from consequences. Indeed I thought about what she said all weekend as I struggled with defiant children and our own version of Holiday Hell that comes with traumatized children and their many issues.
I started reading an email to me, â€śIn your expert opinionâ€¦.â€ť Iâ€™m so not an expert. Every morning I wonder and pray about how to face our many challenges, often flying by the seat of my pants, trying one way and discarding another. This uncertain terrain I navigate each day, factoring in the disturbed perceptions of some of my children and basking in the accomplishments of others, no matter how small they may be, if weâ€™re heading in a positive direction Iâ€™m thrilled.
Maybe thatâ€™s all I can reasonably expect, and itâ€™s really enough when one considers the big picture.