e-mail
Last month I wrote about The Consequences of Bad Behavior. I mentioned that Mita had to write sentences as punishment for lying. Well, today after school I caught her in a lie and she denied it vehemently. After she calmed down we gave her another chance to tell us what happened. After thinking for a short time, she simply confessed. No drama, no tears, just a short and sweet, “Hey, I did it and I shouldn’t have.” I felt a weight lift off my chest. Her punishment if she would have continued to lie about the situation would have been removal of her DS for a week. I was so glad not to have to do that! I was so proud of her for being honest. Progress being made is so triumphant.
In many ways Mita is thriving. She is doing wonderful in school and has friends. Meg and her are really clicking well, with normal sibling issues that come with twinning and sharing a room. She can be quite moody and we were aware of that when we got the referral. Her impulse control has gotten better, but she still has problems with touching things that shouldn’t be touched or pushing buttons and such. She often lies in these situations, much like a toddler would. For example: She might say “I didn’t get into the peanut butter” while she has peanut butter all over her face. Examples like that may be a bit humorous with toddlers, it gets very wearing with a nine year old. (I must admit, we do see the humor most of the time – after the moment is over and she cannot see us laugh!). We have really encouraged her to be truthful and that while she may still have consequences, those consequences won’t be nearly as tough as what she will receive with continued lying.
When we first brought the girls home, Meg started lying as well. We had not had a problem with this previously with her, so I’m sure it was in reaction to all the changes due to the adoption. It got to the point, I could not believe a word any of my children said. This is a really hard way to live and I reacted very militantly. If someone broke something, they all got punished for it because I couldn’t believe any of their stories. After time, hubby helped me see that this way of punishment could not go on.
Meg has gotten back to her normal self and while she is not as perfect as she think she is, I can trust her once again. Elle is four and cannot get into things the way my middle two can. I have taken one child’s word over another and that is not an easy thing to do in any situation, but especially when you have brought older children into the family. I was so afraid of them feeling like they were not being treated equally, that I was not effectively disciplining.
So now I call it like I see it and I may get things wrong at times. If I do get it wrong, I admit it and apologise. This shows the kids that adults make mistakes as well and have to own up to it. Thankfully, Mommy is usually right! Oh yeah, Dad is too!
