OK folks, I have several grown children who are either in jail or have recently been arrested. My friends, other adoptive parents, have found themselves in this predicament as well. As awful as my best friend’s grown kids are acting, at least none of those three have been arrested. That’s a major thing to be proud of in our world.

I’ve had two daughters get arrested this year. Parenting for 34 years before a daughter of mine ever crossed that line, I found myself twice with girls who’ve hit people. One is a 31 year old college graduate; the other is a 17 year old who’s been trying to drop out of high school for quite some time now.

We have an aggressive school social worker who used to be her volleyball coach plus a guidance counselor who goes to our church. Her best friend’s mother is a Probation Officer and then there’s me – a retired school library media specialist who place a great deal of importance on education.

Still my 17 year old might win this battle. Her self-destructive, overly violent personality is working against her common sense and winning at the moment.

In our state, age 17 means adult jail not juvenile hall.

I will not bail these lawbreakers out. They got themselves in, they can get themselves out. I bopped on over to the county sheriff to make certain my tact was appropriate and he commended me on it, “We’ll take good care of them,” hoping also they’d learn a lesson.

With some of my sons, it’s taken a few repeat trips to the Graybar Hotel before they truly understand that nebulous concept of natural consequences.
One son has paid about ten thousand dollars in court costs, probation fees, fines and lawyer’s bills but it was the best money he ever spent. He’s 24 now, the father of a three year old, hard working and usually pleasant to be around. He’s the one my daughter called when she got herself out of jail the other day.

Trying to avoid the lecture from me, she heard it from a brother who’s been there, done that.

This is yet another reality in the adoption of older children.

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