Watching out over the children as they played in the back yard. I watched how each child moved and took note of their body language.

Some were filled with happiness and everything they did how they moved their arms and legs to the bright smiles upon their faces. Sang out the joy they felt deep inside.

Some of the kids let their arms hang at their side.
When someone talked to them they didn't make eye contact. Their little heads dropped down. You could see that their confidence was low and they needed someone's personal touch and interaction to help them along.

I watched as one child put everything he had into helping the other children play. He ran for the balls the other kids missed and he encouraged the others around him. Yet he seemed to fade into the crowd and he needed someone to take notice and encourage him too. Which I took pride and pleasure in doing later in the afternoon.

This boys brother sat on the side lines. He made negative comments and had nothing good to say about anything going on around him. But he lifted himself up as if he were king of the world when I sat down beside him to chat.

As the day progressed I thought about the Son of Perdition in the bible. How things around us affect us. I listened in as my sister in law was telling us that the boys were being raised alone with little interaction from the mother. Since the father had killed himself when the boys were very young.

They had a very loving Aunt who watched over them and took them in on holidays and whenever the boys needed a get away from life. She showed them the love her brother would have given if he had not let the depression take it's toll and could have been there with them.

The one son is 14. He was the helper out on the field. Encouraging everyone. His character was a
lot like his Aunts. His other brother who was sitting on the side lines is almost 17. He was the reflection of his father. That worried both the Aunt and his brother.

I watched as his younger brother took the long way and the hard road with an eager will. Then I saw how his older brother took the easy way out. Sitting there on the sidelines just passing bitterness and judgement.

How complex life can be. Even our homes and cars and things around us take on the atmosphere of our
being. I know my home reflects the destruction of my daughter April. Broken windows and kicked in doors and battered drywall.

Everything needs to be replaced and made new. The same as it is with our soul. When our emotional body begins to heal the outside of us begins to take on new meaning. Maybe it is in how clean we keep our body and how neat we brush our hair. Maybe it's the clothes we choose to wear. I just know that there is a difference.

Like my mom used to tell me it is all a process upon a process. Today it is a shower and a clean out fit. Tomorrow it could be grooming our body with lotion and clean teeth. As we become whole again and depression fades, even in little children.
The outside takes on a different attitude.

The arms no longer hang at your side. Your head seems to meet the sky a little more often. You may smile a little and eventually learn to laugh again.

Why be the son of perdition. It is better to recognize we need help. We need each other. So we can treat the depression and all of it's symptoms and find a new light for each day.

The key is in taking it one day at a time. Be willing to let go of the past. Allow yourself to soak up into the sun and feel again. Healing takes time. It just happens faster when we recognize we are ill.