The two "Thugs" in this picture are really two of the sweetest kids I know. Yes, they can be handfuls. The one on the left is Mark and the one on the right is my Billy. You could say that at times they are almost like adopted family.

Mark wants to be a chef when he gets older. Billy has one of the most amazing abilities to draw I have ever seen in a child. He can free hand pictures of any Hip Hop Artist or person and they look life like.

At the moment they both are just wasting their talents and both have dropped out of school. Billy has recently gone into a program to get his GED so there is hope if he continues and follows through.

I had to introduce you to Billy because he is one of the siblings of the children I did adopt. We also tried twice to adopt him but his anger and out bursts kept us from going through with the adoptions.

He is my reason for this subject title. Choosing A good support team. Before we went into foster care we had to choose a team of people who would be what the agency called our "Support People."

At that time it was difficult to just choose three.
We had a neighborhood, our families and our church members all volunteering to help us out.

So we chose Grandma Bears, Pastor Don and His wife Julia and my girl friend Tracey.

It was not long before our first foster son was placed into our home. That little person was "Billy." He was nine years old at the time.
Full of knowledge and energy. He must have talked for two hours straight after I picked him up from the agency.

He adapted very well to our home and seemed like a perfect child. We thought how on earth could anyone not love this child. He was what every parent would want.

It was not until after his other siblings were placed into our family unit through foster care, that he taught us why other foster parents could not handle him.

As an only child he was awesome. When he was added to a mix of even his own siblings he became the devil incarnate.

He would stay up all night running from bedroom to bedroom keeping everyone awake. He would urinate on his brother through a fan while his brother was sleeping or go and urinate on the fresh laundry hanging in the closet or in their drawers.

He would do things like try and set fires or encourage his brother to break curfew rules with him. They often would run away and we would have to have the police help us find them after hours of neighbors helping us search.

Then he began kicking and biting. Spitting and slapping. We were told we needed to learn how to restrain him. He was so angry and so strong that it took everything within me to be able to control him. The other kids were free to act out and I could do nothing at all to control the situation because Billy was in need of my full attention.

After several months he was placed in a residential treatment facility for boys.

Had it not been for my support people I would have never survived this point of foster life. My support team was there and they helped me with all the kids.

So when thinking of a support group try and pick wisely. Pick one or two people that have unlimited hours for day or night time help. People who work 40 hours a week may not be there when you need them.

Pick people who can handle the type of kids you are fostering. Older people or people with health issues may not be able to physically control a child if need be.

Pick a person who you can trust with your most inner feelings. Because at times you are going to think "Why did I do this?" Or "I know the reason some kids are getting abused now." (giggle) This person will be there for you to vent and talk too.

Think about asking other foster/adoptive parents to be a support unit for you. They will come with hands on experience and can offer great advice when you need it the most.

The "Billy" you see in the above picture today is a child that I love with my total soul. However, after he physically abused me and caused severe nerve damage in my shoulders. I had no choice but to allow them to find other placement.

At ten I sent him to his room until I could calm down a parent of one of the kids in our neighborhood that he and his brother had teamed up and beat up on.

Without thinking I entered the boys room where I had sent them for time out. While I calmed down the other child's parent.

I entered the room and Billy was on the top bunk of their bunk beds. He began kicking me violently and my upper body was bruised and painfully injured.

It was then I realized that I could not handle his strength and keep him and I safe during his rages.
Today he is calm and he controls his anger very well. His biggest issue is "why we did not adopt him."

That hurts me to my heart because I would have adopted him in a heart beat. I just had to realize my own physical limitations.

So think wisely when you choose your support team.
Variety is a good idea for happy, healthy, safe foster family living.