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When you have adopted children, one of the most popular comments is,”They must be so thankful.” I so want to laugh when I hear that.
First of all, have you ever met a thankful child? Sure, as they get a bit older you may see some thankfulness, but in general they don’t wake up in the morning singing the praises of their parents.
With my first child I tried to “force” compassion on her. We did all kinds of giving activites, angel tree gifts at Christmas. I secretly wanted my child to be the kid who says,”No birthday presents for me, donate to such and such.” Was I in dreamland or what?!
I really worried that she was apathetic for a while.
I’m not sure when I came to my senses, but it hit me one day that you cannot teach compassion you have to model it. Like anything else if you try and pound it into their heads they fight you. They learn much better by watching and seeing the satisfaction you get from giving or doing a good deed.
Now, I still do family giving projects and the like, but I keep it light and fun for the most part.
In the last week I have seen two examples of compassion from Mita and Enu that have made my heart sing. The first one was when I saw a tub of change in their room. They are saving change to send to the childcare home they were in in Ethiopia.
Last year we had saved about $60 in change and sent it to our agency to go towards the Christmas party for the kids still waiting for parents. Of course I had hoped it made an impact on the kids, but I really didn’t expect them to set up their own jar! YEAH!!!
The second act of compassion I saw from Mita just yesterday. Yesterday was a hard day for me. They kids would not stop fighting and I was so tired and worn out. After yet another argument they all came into the kitchen yelling about something. Tears came to my eyes and I just looked at them. Mita came right over to me and gave me the best hug. It felt so good. I went and took a hot bath then took a nap. They all cleaned the house and left me sorry notes while I slept.
The spontaneous hug from Mita was really a milestone. She normally hugs me when she is happy or if she needs comfort. Yesterday she saw that I had the need. Wow. Our older kids come to us with such heartache, stress and fear. It is no wonder that it takes a while for them to focus on other’s needs. Do not expect it to come soon, but it will happen for most of them.
While they will fight again and try to act as if I am a short order cook, it is times like yesterday that restore my hope that I am raising compassionate, loving children.
