As if the thought of raising traumatized children is not enough, I’ve now learned a little about complex trauma. I’m again referring to Focal Point.

“Complex trauma describes the dual problem of children’s exposure to multiple traumatic events and the impact of this exposure on immediate and long-term outcomes.”

Nearly all of my children fall into this category, it was a series of traumatic events that brought them into our family, some memories intact and many repressed, all resulting in coping and compensatory behaviors.

“Often, the consequences of complex trauma exposure are devastating for a child. This is because complex trauma exposure typically interferes with the formation of a secure attachment bond between a child and their caregiver. Normally, the attachment between a child and a caregiver is the primary source of safety and stability in a child’s life. Lack of a secure attachment can result in a loss of core capacities for self-regulation and interpersonal relatedness.”

Can I get a big AMEN? Jeepers, tell me about it. But such is life in an adoptive family, varying degrees of trust and attachment, all totally understandable, even when the resulting behaviors are incomprehensible; tough for a loving parent to deal with day in and day out.

“Children exposed to complex trauma often experience lifelong problems that place them at additional risk for additional trauma exposure and other difficulties, including psychiatric and addictive disorders, chronic medical illness, and legal, vocational, and family problems. These difficulties may extend from childhood through adolescence and into adulthood.”

This explanation is almost a relief; we adoptive parents may have begun to believe it was just us. Maybe if we’d parented better…yet we wrack our brains trying to figure what more we could have possibly done for our children either physically, emotionally or financially; usually we are totally exhausted and spent after we’ve raised them to legal age.

But for some encouraging news, I am finding that as my older, adopted children now approach their thirties; these once traumatized, victimized children are succeeding beyond my wildest dreams. They have managed to break the generational dysfunction; they’ve pulled themselves together emotionally and have married well.

It was a very rocky, bumpy road and, back then I did not have the benefit of what all I’ve since learned, so much more research and theory is available today; even the level of resources I’ve now been blessed with were not available at all then. The stigma of mental illness or severe emotional disturbances seems to have lessened somewhat, and I’ve been able to seek out better help; people more versed now in these particular issues relevant to adopted children.