One of the biggest battles in our home involves consequences. A local teacher in our area, lowered a kid’s grade for sleeping in class, a consequence I’d certainly approve of, but the teacher was not backed by the principal, a conflict ensued, a law was enacted and the teacher changed schools.

I spent 25 years in the public school system and learned about many, many parents who would back up their chronically misbehaving children, and overturn a teacher’s grade, involving the school board if necessary.

I’d love to read a study on the long term ramifications of this poorly thought out move, as I felt then that a ‘victim mentality’ was emerging and rewarded. I’m guessing that these same parents would hire a lawyer to get their kid of out trouble for a DUI, a speeding ticket or any other lawbreaking action? What about tough love?

Nowadays we also have the helicopter parents.

When my kids have gotten in trouble at school, I have sided with the teachers and administrators. I do not ever feel that my child was picked on. My child might holler such, but I’ve watched my children say anything to get out of trouble. By me siding with the law, my children learn to respect the law, not learn how to weasel out of trouble. Prisons are full of folks like that.

When some of my children later broke the law, I’ve not ever hired an attorney. They have done so, or they have used a public defender and they have learned their lessons eventually. They’ve paid their fines and served their probation. One has served time…twice.

I’ve stood by them as they’ve plea bargained if applicable, I’ve nagged them to do their community service, and I’ve helped them total their expenses. “You could have bought yourself a right nice car with that amount of money,” I’d unhelpfully pointed out to a son, now driving a 13 year old car instead, having spent so much money on attorney fees.

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." Our behavior often causes a negative or a positive consequence, yet at times life’s events are random. We can control only our reactions to these arbitrary moments.

My target audience here is adoptive parents who specifically and by choice adopted older children. The consequences of this one decision are huge, but not necessarily intended. We have, as such, invited a great deal of issues, problems and challenges into our lives. Now we have to attempt to control our reactions to events. I’m not always a poster child for this.

I get emails from you all, detailing your heartbreak because you know that I understand. You are just as important to me, as I need understanding also from other experienced parents.

I’m never going to quit parenting these darlings of mine, although I’m often unappreciated, lied about and treated unfairly. Other times I feel I don’t deserve the praise and love that they heap upon me, I then regret my own little hissy fits and meltdowns.

This is a thorny, complicated, treacherous and grueling path that we’ve chosen.