You appear to have excellent coping skills. This means that most of the time, you are able to deal efficiently with stressful situations. You don't crack under pressure, and find your way out from most precarious situations. You are not a victim of your environment and feel pretty much in control.

I scored very well on this stress test on the Discovery Health page. I’d googled coping skills in response to something a psychologist told me yesterday. My angry children have zero coping skills so they lash out in fury. They’d seen such responses in their original families that eventually fell apart; they’d learned that this was how one coped.

Learning coping skills is only a small part of what I must teach my kids before they venture out in the world on their own.

This is how an adolescent in my house scored:

You appear to have very underdeveloped coping skills. This doesn't mean that you are not smart or fun to be with. What it does mean is that when dealing with stress, you are basically left defenseless. People with a profile similar to yours tend to crack under pressure; to become anxious and depressed. Lack of efficient coping skills may make it more likely for you to give up without a fight, to feel overwhelmed and helpless and to perceive yourself as less in control over your life.

We all face stress in our lives, there’s no way around it, there’s no way to predict or prevent it. We must simply learn to deal with it and to teach our children to cope.

From FamilyDoctor.org I learned:

Tips for dealing with stress
• Don't worry about things you can't control, such as the weather.
• Prepare to the best of your ability for events you know may be stressful, such as a job interview.
• Try to look at change as a positive challenge, not as a threat.
• Work to resolve conflicts with other people.
• Talk with a trusted friend, family member or counselor.
• Set realistic goals at home and at work.
• Exercise on a regular basis.
• Eat well-balanced meals and get enough sleep.
• Meditate.
• Participate in something you don't find stressful, such as sports, social events or hobbies.

I agree with all of the above having found for our family that physical activity is the most effective, we pray rather than mediate, and I have several different therapists working with different children thus providing a safe place for them to talk to someone besides bossy old mama.

An older daughter once told me that she appreciated the fact that I don’t let issues or conflicts in our family fester. I address our problems and am confrontational about what I see going on that could create an issue.

I say it everyday, this is hard, this adoption of older children. I say it to remind myself that I can’t “cure” everything; I can only cope and do the best that I can. I say this also to encourage everyone else that’s struggling also.

We did not create these problems, but we’ve taken them on, and it is up to us to do all we can to help our children grow up to become productive members of society