AOL Parenting offer's it's readers some good sensible tips to every day parenting. This week they talked about the "Blame Game."

They gave an illustration of two little girls playing in one of their bedrooms. The ladies decided to use crayons on the wall. When the mommy came into the room and asked "Who did this?" They each simply pointed at each other and said "She did."

The negative way that most parents handle it is to yell and scream and complain about the bedroom wall.
Then they end up spanking or grounding both kids until one of them tells the truth.

The Parenting illustration offered two good suggestions to handle the situation without anger and disturbing the girls emotionally.

1). They suggested to turn the conversation to focus on how this happened and why they used the crayons. Instead of who did it. It is very clear they are both guilty.

2). Discuss with your child how next time when something happens like this to come to mommy and let her know so they can fix things together. This way mommy can be proud of her. Instead of angry at her.

I went on to read the AOL Parenting guidelines on Spanking children also. I found this information of interest.

Parenting HomeArticle


Is It Okay to Spank?
Why most experts say no - but many parents still say yes

By Kitty O'Callaghan
• 94% of 3- and 4-year-olds have been spanked at least once during the past year, according to one study.

• 74% of mothers believe spanking is acceptable for kids ages 1 to 3, says another study.

• 61% of parents condone spanking as a "regular form of punishment" for young children, according to a different study.

Clearly, the majority of parents say they spank their kids. Various factors increase the likelihood, including geographic location (children in the South are spanked the most), family income (less money means more spanking), race (African-American mothers spank their children more than other ethnic groups), and religion (parents more fundamentalist in their religious beliefs spank more than those who are less so). But all in all, it's a pretty clear picture.

Meanwhile, for decades a long and distinguished list of experts has denounced spanking as ineffective, even dangerous. Ineffective, they say, because it only teaches a child to fear his parents, not to respect them, and dangerous because using force can injure a child and warp his understanding of how to interact with others: namely, that it's okay to hit someone to get your own way. And experts warn that children who have this antisocial lesson beaten into them are more likely to exhibit violent behavior later in life.

So why is there still a massive disconnect between what experts advise and what parents do? Are so many of us clamping our hands over our ears to "hear no evil," or do we know something that experts don't?
http://parenting.aol.com/parenting/onlyonaol/article/0,19840,1215279,00.html

I do believe that when a child is younger that sometimes parents may have to use a small amount of spanking on the butt or a slap on the hands to deture and teach a child. However I feel that in the long run spanking looses it's value and teaches a negative behavior. That it is ok to hit. It is clearly not ok to hit or use violence in any way.
Unless your own life is threatened.

So when do you stop? When your child begins to know right from wrong. It is time to stop spanking. At that point other methods can do just as well and not cause any emotional or physical harm to the child or the parent.

I think most people who choose to spank may have anger problems hidden in the back ground. That is when it becomes more dangerous to a child. The spanking turns from a way of disciplinary correction into a beating. When you hear a child begging their mom or dad to stop, please stop. It is clear that the child is emotionally over whelmed and it is no longer just a spanking.

How am I so sure of this? Because I have been there in that situation. After it was over with. I cried because how could I ever have hit my child when they were begging me so much to stop? Was what they had done worth all this stress and my feelings of guilt after ward? The answer is NO.

When you deal with someone you love. You should treat them like you would want to be treated. Not like a stranger on the street. Children learn what they live and most adopted and foster children have already known the raw end of a belt, a stick, shoe or the feeling of their fathers fist. They do not need to be reminded that this is how you correct children. Because it clearly is not how you correct children.

Even with a difficult child, you can get farther with kind words and structured time outs than you can with hitting and spanking. Whatever you may wish to call it.

It is to easy to cross the line. To hurt your child.
To emotionally harm the child's spirit. Once the damage is done it takes years to correct, if in fact it ever is corrected.

I am sure the parents of Rose Kelly or Ricky Holland never set out to harm their children. But in one moment life was changed forever. Two life's lost and four people to blame. I would imagine one would never forget what it felt like to hit that child with a hammer and to know Ricky was dead by the very hand of the person who said they loved him.

You tell me what you think.......your opinion counts.